The Flip Side to the coin..

Any of you who know me even the slightest bit, have probably heard slur towards my family escape my lips.
Lately, I've realized that I rarely give them credit for all their worth. In order to redeem my family.. help them escape the terrible things I know I've said or thought, and to show that I can speak well of them.. I'm sharing my reflections and realizations.
I rarely speak well of my position as the oldest of 5 children. I hardly ever feel comfortable around my family..
I've come to realize.. most of it is completely in my head.
Your mindset is.. a way of thinking..(obviously)  but, if there's one thing I learned at Summit.. it's that your mindset is so much more.
It can change the way you see everything. As is the case- with me. Concerning my family.
I was speaking to someone today, about how old we're all getting. I realized both that;
I'll be 18 this year (Exciting) and.. my "baby" sister is 9! (already)
I'm not an adult, just yet, so I suppose that I can't make it a routine to say things such as; "time flies by so fast" or "it seems like just yesterday", "when I was your age".. Even so, I've found myself reflecting in that sense... My baby sister, nine!
I've wasted so much time living underneath my crippling mindset. One that tells me being the oldest is quite a bother. Granted, I'm "paving the way" .. my every mistake is noticed and sometimes acted upon, everything is my fault, and I have to grow up quickly, then there's whatever is a characteristic of the eldest.
Still, it's a joy. I am making it my goal, from now on, to live in the light of this awakening.

Being the oldest can mean all those negative things.. but there's more to it than that. It can also be a great array of blessings and surprises.

        Yes, my every mistake is noticed- but I'll always be loved and looked up to, despite that.
        Yes, it's always my fault, but that's only because they know I'll take it, to protect them.. from whatever punishment dad chooses :p
        Yes, I am paving the way, but it's only so that they won't have to learn it all the hard way. Rather, from my mistakes.
        Yes, I have to grow up quickly.. but it's only because they need someone to help show them how to, when their old enough.

I had the joy of being there after each one was born,
to help pick out some of the names,
be one of the first ones to hold them

GAHH... I'm choking up. There are times when I'm embarrassed, or upset, madder than a hatter.. or even pretend to be adopted. But when I look around, at other people's lives. I don't doubt for one minute that God knew what He was doing, placing me in this family.
I'm glad to be the oldest. I wouldn't trade it, for anything!

Besides... the youngsters are brats, and the middles are odd :p

Brenda Ann, Christopher Allen, Emma Marie  and Mary Anne... I love you all. I'm so glad to be your Sissy. I know I'm not the best at it sometimes. But I do try to be! thanks for loving me, despite my faults. Thanks for being there for me, as I hope I've been for you. Please learn from my mistakes.. though I know you'll make your own. Remember, I'll only love you all the more for and because of them!