Friday, February 5, 2010

valentines day,

I was whining to myself the other day about how once again I'll be short of a sweetheart on valentines day, and I'll buy myself flowers-eat chocolate (alone) pathetic... I know
I just wanted to pretend like I had a crush on someone or, pretend like I had a secret admiror (to make myself feel better)
but the more I began to think about it, I realized that just because i was "alone" on valentines day didn't mean it had to be lonely - I have friends who could be my sweethearts and being single when your a teenager is really BEST for you, because your constantly changing in your teenage years.. and the reason you have to love someone could change from one day to the next. or it could put pressure on you to impress someone, do things that you aren't just to look better. and to feel better

so this valentines day,instead of being all depressed about being "alone" I'm going to make the best of it. and spend well-worth it time. with my friends
..I might buy myself flowers still..

Wednesday, February 3, 2010


almost everyone has there idea of what freedom is to them. as a whole and then what it is to them. i'm sure a few teenagers would tell you that it means NO rules NO parents NO curfews. and just being out on there own. while others would bring up our boys and girls fighting for our freedom over in iraq and places.
even still others would tell you that its the ability to express your feelings. your thoughts or your style. through writing or singing dancing. the way you dress
and then there's me- i too have ideas of what freedom means to me, but every-time i go to live it out im overcome by fear that always has some grip on me and tells me that i can't do it. or that im too small . everyone will laugh at me. im scared of failing ETC!
none the less i do have a very clear idea of what freedom means to me. and even though im not exactly sure how to take steps and overcome my fears i still know what it means to me and how i should be living

[1] FREEDOM IS NOT FREE-- if you want something bad enough you'll work for it (that means i need to get over my fears and do what needs to be done. take the appropriate steps)
[2] FREEDOM DOES NOT MEAN A LACK OF RULES OR BOUNDARIES-- it means beccoming comfortable in the rules and boundaries that you already have. being the person you want to be and the person God wants you to be SHOULD be the same thing when you follow the guidelines that he and your parents have set up for you it will start being more and more clear to you who you are and who you will become . with your newfound freedom
[3] FREEDOM DOSEN'T MEAN BEING LIKE EVERYONE ELSE-- I've lived my life for others for there approval. attention.acceptance - being approved, accepted and getting attention isn't always a bad thing. BUT when you go crazy over it (like i do at times) you worry about it sooooo much that you can't free your mind you can't get away from the thoughts of " well i should do this because so-and-so does and everyone likes them so they'll like me too if i do it. "

being free sounds like one of the best feelings in the world. and we all want to be free wheither its being free from bondage. from yourself guilt WHATEVER the thing may be thats enslaving you (and me) we as christians and individuals NEEED to be free. we NEED to be able to express ourselves. we NEED to be free of mind and able to breathe. i suffocate myself with the constant pleasing of others. the constant insecure "be like everyone else " thoughts... i need to stop, i need to be free

" you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free"
" free yourself from temptation. and it will flee from you "
freedom isn't escaping from your problems. its the bits and pieces of relief we are privileged to feel every once and awhile. that we must cherish

and finally.... freedom is being YOU something that no-one else can be and being that person that YOU are --everyday-- dont be trapped in your mind. and your thoughts of being like everyone else

freedom isn't being limitless. or without rules
its about being comfortable in your skin. who you are and what your becoming

i'm on my way