Friday, April 26, 2013

Writing Gives Me Wings

Life  often brings things that are unexpected.. even to those (like myself) who plan out every day and conversation to a T.

Coping is probably one of the most important life skills to learn. And it's not even necessarily something that can be taught.
After years of counseling, I've found that out the hard way. No one, but me.. can tell me what to think, how to feel, what  to do, how to handle things ((Etc)) It's something I have to figure out on my own.

I've turned to some not-so-good methods of coping or healing, just setting myself further back. BUT one thing I've always had- even in the midst of all my other bad decisions were my artistic interests.. I really enjoy to write, paint, draw, sing, play piano..
Up until last year when I started Public School, I had done all of these things when I could make time in my busy schedule. I wouldn't really show anyone and pretty much took no pride in it. Just something to help me escape.

Luckily, that's all changed. While some home-schoolers would be appalled or terrified at the thought of changing everything about their lifestyle, I welcomed the experience. One that I will cherish forever. I've found so much solace in Public School.
Friends of my own age, some exposure to the "real world" that would have left me on my face, had I gone straight into college right out of home-school. My skin is a little tougher.. and I've learned to earn my grades more so than before. I have teachers I've never met in Conway, through Distance Learning. They don't care to get to know me as well as my former teacher/principle (Mom&Dad) did/do.. they just want that assignment turned in on time.
But it's more than all of that.
I'm no longer hiding my talents. At school; many have heard me sing, play piano, they've admired my artwork in the cafeteria, when my art teacher sneaks it out there. And in journalism just recently I won three awards!
I never set out to do well in any of these things. My intentions were solely to find a place to vent all m frustration and hurt. To find a positive way to express my feelings..
That's not to say that I'm not a perfectionist about it, and try to make my things look good.. I'm just blown away by the things I've been able to add to my Bio, in the two years I've been going to public school. The acceptance from others, the confidence I've found in myself..
There's no better feeling to me than doing something I enjoy and getting something back. Feeling like I'm doing something right, without stressing myself out over it, absolutely wonderful!

Thank you, to everyone who has been supportive of me, and the things I like to to. Every positive word goes toward making me more confident and closer to the me I want to be. Happy. On my own. Not depending on someone else's opinion, or approval.

Saturday, April 6, 2013

[The Harvest Is Plenty]

For a little while now.. (which means since November 30th) I've been looking for a job. I've had my share of disappointments and a lot of getting my hopes up. Finally, after a long wait, filling out applications and such- I was hired, TODAY! April 6th, 2013. A new member of the Harvest Foods Deli/Bakery team. But it isn't all that short, or simple. So.. I'll embark along the journey and back-story. ((((If you aren't interested, stop reading now, and help me celebrate my new employment.))) The very first Job application I filled out after leaving "The Store" as I call O.G.S.. Was for Harvest Foods. A position in the Deli had just opened up. So I thinking that would be something I'd enjoy, applied. I received a call-back. But my mom had the phone with her and didn't answer. Eventually she got around to listening to the voice-mail Missy, the manager, had left. I frantically called back, all to find that I was too late. She insured me; however that I would be the first to know if anything opened up. I didn't really put too much stock into that. She didn't know me, so why would she care so much to hold my application? I didn't want to get my hopes up, all to find that she was just saying that to sugar coat the bad news she just gave me Despaired, I sought employment elsewhere. Applying at Dollar General next. I spoke with the manager and thought I had it in-the-bag. Apparently not. Then I just went crazy. I filled out applications for Fred's, Dollar Tree, Pizza Hut, Pizza Pro, Sonic, Atwoods, Stage, Factory connection.. even talked to "The Store" again. I was desperate. But that didn't seem to be getting me anywhere. This week, has been crazy. I've not been feeling well, school is getting insane and drama is like everywhere. I've had a lot on my mind, and a lot to stress over. One of those things being, a job. I had written on my hand "CALL HARVEST..One last time" Thursday morning. It had crossed my mind a couple times throughout the day, but I didn't plan on doing so until I got off the bus. That's where God came in. I was in eighth hour, seriously feeling like it should be Friday, like yesterday. When the phone rings. The teacher answers the phone and starts saying words like "she," and "her." Me being the only girl in the class at that moment, I was like "GREAT...What do they want now? can I just go home, please" he gets off the phone and tells me to go to the office. I drag my feet. Trying to figure out what this could possibly be about. I walk in and our secretary hands me two phone numbers. She says "It's Missy, the manager of the Deli/Bakery at Harvest. You need to call" A smile instantly graces my face and I'm no longer dreading the walk over here. I call her and happily say "yes ma'am" to her first question, "are you still looking for a job?" we talk a little bit.. and she tells me to come in on Saturday for an interview. Well, It's Saturday, and I did.. and as I said. I have a job! God is so good. What an amazing thought it is that in all the millions of people that inhabit the earth, he keeps me in mind. My wants and needs. My number one place of employment. The same day that it was on my hand, and in the back of my mind. It was in the front of His. He loves me and looks out for me. He knew I needed the job, money.. to make me feel better about all the things that are coming up. Having some sure things and organization is what keeps me same. God catered to that. Knowing I am totally stressing over how to pay for this, and that.. I love Him so much. I'm in awe of his amazing knowledge and how He takes care of me. it's one of those moments that remind me I'm not so small or insignificant after all. The God of the universe took time to see that I have a way to provide for my little things. While he was busy providing for everything else. He is always faithful to me. Though I don't do the best job of being faithful to Him. I don't always remember to pray before I fall asleep at night. And I probably complained more to my boyfriend about needing a job, than I did asking that He (God) would help me.