Saturday, December 7, 2013

Birthday Girls



December is a month of many birthdays for my family and friends. Mom, Mary, Jeff, Donna..etc. And now, my mother-in-law! I’ve been thinking lately of what I could do for them- to celebrate their years of life. While this blog post isn’t all, it can serve as the icing on the cake!
My mom and mother-in-law both have much in common. They share a name, month of their birthdays, their moms live in Oklahoma..etc. But there’s more significant things than just a name or month.
We had a huge ice/snow storm this month- that was quite unexpected. And in the midst of all the confusion and frustration of the power being out, being stuck on the mountain and cold.. I realized things about both of my moms; Things that I admire about them and they share. So, I wanted to take a few minutes to highlight those qualities.
Both my mom and mother-in-law sprang into action during this storm.
 My mom was constantly checking on our neighbor- with much concern for the operation of her mom’s oxygen tank, her daughter’s car accident and even cooked her enough food for her family- then brought it to her.
While my mother-in-law ventured up the mountain (un-touched by the snow plows.) To ensure that Dylan and I wouldn’t loose our 25% discount that was only good for two days. We’re both out of cars- as Dylan’s is in the shop and my dad had the one I drive. We got our grocery shopping done, saved money and Without risking our lives.
My mom also cooked for us several times (she has a propane stove/oven)
My mother-in-law bought us a propane stove/oven, so that the next time disaster strikes we will have a way to cook for ourselves. (we currently only have an electric counter-top burner) which kills me! I love to cook and bake. There’s no way we would have an extra couple hundred dollars to purchase a stove
And the list goes on-and-on. From helping us to install the stove/oven.. to helping us with propane and so much more! Parents NEVER stop giving! Even when it isn’t asked or expected of them. I feel truly blessed and privileged to be the daughter and daughter-in-law of such wonderful woman/men of God.
There’s really no way to thank them as they should be for all they’ve provided us with. Both when we lived with them and even now, when we are on our own. I only hope that someday I can be of help to others as my and Dylan’s parents have been to us.
And lastly, Happy Birthday, Mom and Mom #2! I love you!

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Reflection Of the Day..


Lately, EVERYTHING seems to be falling apart. I'm not doing so great health wise.. Money has been an issue, job, College has literally crumbled to pieces right in front of me. I'm stressed from every direction. It's been really easy to be negative. Which isn't saying much, I struggle with seeing the glass half full even when things aren't as rocky.
But God has really put it on my heart to open my eyes. To see the big picture and praise Him, even when it's hard. I can't say that I'm the best at it, but I do know that I'm doing much better than before. 
Today, I really needed His gentle reminder. I've had a rough past few days. Haven't been feeling well and every time I work something out, it just seems to fall apart again. However, I decided to take some time this morning to relax. I'm back on my sleeping medicine now, So I finally got a better nights rest- which helped me to feel refreshed this morning. I said a prayer and was careful to praise Him more than I vented/complained.
Sometimes a prayer doesn't seem to be "enough" as soon as I say amen, my spirit becomes a little weaker and I just can't seem to stay in that happy place. So I've decided to make a "Praise List" I'm HUGE on lists.. and it always seems as though my prayer list out numbers my praises. So I've promised myself from now on, when I'm feeling negative I will try my best to set aside some time to list some things that I can see God doing.
Some things may be little victories. Seemingly silly to someone else.. But as it's been said, "It's the little things". It's a very rewarding task. Not only does it really help me to see things rather than just think/hear them. But actually writing it, makes it more real to me. Something that I'm realizing myself- or something that's affecting me. It's also nice to look back at.
It also helps me to see that God really never does forsake us. Even in the midst of my anxiety and stress, worry, fear.. all of it. Every thing that's coming my way, HE is greater and stronger. He allows all of this to be. So I know that it's all part of a bigger picture that I haven't discovered yet. Things may not be happening as I planned- but that's the beauty of it. HE plans my tomorrow.
I would encourage everyone to do something similar. If writing isn't your thing, maybe you can just say a prayer to God and ask Him to bring things to your mind. Then, verbally thank Him. He doesn't get near enough credit. At least not in my life. I know that I'm a disaster. And without His ever present care, I would be so so much worse. 
When I humble myself and begin to write out these things I have to be grateful for, It almost doesn't feel like I'm doing anything at all. He brings it all to mind. And the focus on those things written quickly takes over the forefront of my mind, where the worry and heartache used to reside.
Your mindset, outlook totally defines who you are. Ideas soon become actions, thoughts are always expressed in one way or another. If you can just think on pure, lovely, uplifting, desirable things- satan has no room to act. He has no hold on you.
You have to be in control of your thoughts. Don't let your mind wander. Just as idle hands do the devils work, your mind wandering can lead to dark places. ALWAYS stay in the light. Control your thoughts as you should your actions. An evil deed done in private is just as evil as one that is seen. Integrity is who you are and what you do, even when no one is watching.
Focus on what is pure and honorable, my friends. I promise it will  be one of the best decisions you have made in your whole lifetime. I know that I'm grateful for this decision. It will take some practice to focus on the good, rather than the bad. But once I get it down, I know that it will become easier and will change my life for the better.

Friday, May 10, 2013

My first car..






















There's moments in life when you have to step back and say "You're right."
Though it's sometimes hard to do, it shows humility.
My car, would be no exception to those times.

I've never been a ridiculous person, one who wants superfluous things. Still, an old, beat up, not at all in it's hay-day 1995 Honda Civic was NOT my dream car, or first choice. (My dream car at that time, wouldn't have been much better.. but you know)
However; when it was just inside my budget, I wanted so very badly to be free and with a little of dad's coaxing- it was mine, and more of a blessing than I had thought.
It took me awhile to get my money saved back up. After buying my car, and fixing stuff on it.. I was seriously broke, and taking on more hours at work, and odd jobs to not be held down by debts. I know now that it wasn't really anything to whine about. Even in its iffy condition, it's hard to find a car that will get-up-and-go for $1550..
Dad had told me that it was a "good starter car" he continued with, "one you can make all your mistakes in." And it was just that, at times. The part I have to tell him now, He was right about. Sure, at first I was washing it every weekend, driving under the speed limit.. But that didn't last too long. I got comfortable, and started making those mistakes. Still, more than just an old, beat up car- it was all mine.
No way of forgetting that.. I bought it, with all my savings, paid insurance, tags, put gas in it, checked the oil.. I learned to drive a stick in it. There were times it left me stranded, or I abused it. But that's not the first thing that comes to mind when I think of it.
It was my first "adult move" saving up and working for something I wanted. Being responsible for taking care of it. And whoever rode in the passenger seat.

It was sad to see it go today.. lifted on a forklift, with one swift move, as I was given in exchange 2 $100 bills.. Not that I'm complaining. It was more than critics had me anticipating, for it's beat up shape. I still held out hope that they were wrong. But knew it was probably just me finding sentimental value, and pointing out the few things about it that were left to hold in esteem. "Look, the windows.. no cracks. The tint is perfect.. and what about..."
 a hand-shake to seal the deal. And my scribble of a signature on the title, I handed over the keys.. and watched it disappear, in the rear-view. As I drove away. With my customers receipt and $200.

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Opportunity knocks..

After my recent post about being a serious Control Freak.. and asking God for an opportunity to choose His ways, over mine; I was given just that. An opportunity.

Recently, our church gave the youth these gifts to hand out at school.
Called LifeBooks. Put together by Gideons. They are designed to be easily related with teenagers. And sort of a loophole. Recently, with all the political issues (separation of church and state) it's been decided that teachers or anyone in an authoritative position at schools cannot persuade a child in any way, or hand anything religion affiliated out.
However, students, still have the right. One that will taken away soon, I'm sure. But for now; we have every bit of freedom to share these gifts with our school. This past Wednesday, we were given 25 each, to start the LifeBook movement in our schools.

We watched four quick tutorials briefing us on how to hand them out: Don't force them upon people, or try to make them feel bad- they are JUST gifts. Be prepared to answer questions, or explain what they are to people. Hand them out in person, outside of class. Don't go against authority's wishes about handing them out....ETC.

Towards the end of the night, we were asked to pray silently to ourselves and think of people to give these LifeBooks to. I just sat there, I did pray but waited until I got home to make a list of the five people I would hand them out to every day. I began writing personal messages and tucking them in there, along with how to contact me, should anyone have questions.

So, I went to hand them out before a trip I had with school. I hadn't given out but two and I was in the middle of briefly explaining what they were; when someone approached me and asked if they could have one.
That's when it hit me. My list.. I was doing it, again. I had taken control of a God-Thing. I was trying to turn this into another list. What was I supposed to say..
 "So, I know this is totally about Jesus, and it's a free gift and everything. But you aren't in black ink on this piece of notebook paper.. so I'm gonna have to go with No."
I quickly and discreetly took the note out of the book and handed it to the young man. "Of course you can" I said, with a smile on my face. Then I finished explaining what it was, all-the-while, the same guy stood there listening intently.
The next day, I saw him walking around school, reading it. Which was one of the most touching things I've experienced in a little while. I'm so glad that this happened.
 Another reminder that God really is on top of things. And his ways are SO much higher than my own. The holy spirit moves, in a beautiful way, that is sometimes evident to only us. I doubt he noticed that I took a piece of paper from the book, or that it wasn't intended for him. He doesn't know I had a list or anything other than he has a book to read. And that's the beautiful thing about it. This wasn't about him, it's about God showing me, and tugging on my heart strings that He is in control, not me.

Sunday, May 5, 2013

His Ways are higher than my ways.... The Diary of a Control Freak

Sigh...
Yes, that's the opening statement I'm going with. Pretty solid.. Not!

Recently, I was reminded of a verse that doesn't usually camp out in my mind (Probably because the campground would be called Guilt Ledge.. where you can plummet onto the not-so-soft landing; known as depression!) Okay, That's probably a little..lot dramatic.
Seriously, though.. this verse kicked me right in the feels, bro!
 it says: "His (God's) ways are higher than my ways."

Pretty basic stuff. You wouldn't think that it would be such an eye-opener. It probably shouldn't be. But the sad reality is, it's completely applicable to my every day life.
I've always been a planner.. even when I was a kid. I would write a script for my barbies to follow..
 Yeah, my cousins would get SO mad.. "I'm going to make Kim say WHATEVER I WANT, Tamara!" so.. yeah, enough spilling about my childhood. That's totally embarrassing.

I like to know where I'm going, what I'm doing, when it needs to be done, how it needs to be done.. etc. I have it all mapped out and organized long before it's ever going to happen. The down side to that, being; I'm often let down because plans don't go exactly as I had hoped. 

 And this is where the verse comes in.. 
Little things in life, unexpected occurrences, believe-it-or-not, can often be a blessing in disguise. We have absolutely no way of knowing or planning everything. 
So wouldn't it make more sense to just let it happen? obviously, if it's happening and it was outside of the plans scribbled on paper, or memos in our phones- it's bigger than us, and out of our control. 
The more time we spend fighting against plans and/or trying to change them, the less time we have to enjoy what's going on.. beyond our tantrums about wanting things our way.
You would think after many meltdowns about my plans not going as I had hoped.. Or, times of not wanting to do things, and actually enjoying it, (after I got over my pouting.. Ahem) I would accept that God knows what He's doing. Everytime.
I have trouble with things I can't see/touch.. online learning.. Yeah, not for this girl. I guess sometimes I treat God the same way. Though I believe that He's real, and I've for sure felt His presence before- Like I said, it's hard to accept that things are just happening. I like to talk through change and have an outline of what is happening before it does.. So I can be prepared.

Lately, a lot has been happening that's SO much bigger than me. I'm trying to fix it, as always.. devise a plan of action and stick with it. A back up plan. Consider how all parties would react to me doing this.. The best things to say, what to avoid saying..etc. Sadly, it doesn't always work that way. Others involved have their own way of handling the situation, and it's not always in agreement with mine. I love to control my own thoughts and plans. But I'm not one to control anyone else, or pressure someone into doing something. So it feels like one step forward, two steps back.. I want it to happen a certain way, and it doesn't.. so I have to accept it and try to move on.
I think another frustrating thing would be that at 18, I don't even  have as much control over my life as I'd like to. 
I don't feel like I have a say in anything that is affecting my future. I don't know almost anything I was sure of just a week ago.. Life is really rocky.. And upside down, backwards.. Every direction but the one I'd like it to be.  I feel like I'm just standing on a little island all by myself, trying to see past the sun setting.. writing messages in bottles, sending them off- knowing deep down inside no-one will find them. At least, no one that can help. Still hoping something will come of it.

The thought has crossed my mind that maybe God is bringing me to rock bottom, again. To show me I CAN'T DO IT ALL ALONE.. No amount of planning or organizing, will amount to anything as wonderful as His plans for me. I've learned this in the past. But I guess it didn't take me too long to revert to my old self. I'm a creature of habit. No matter how much it hurts.. as of late, I've realized;
I have to let go of the control I love having..
I need to ask Him what He has in mind, before I do it.. ask permission, not forgiveness.
I have to stop stressing over every detail. Planning every moment- to watch it all fail. Because it wasn't meant to be. And I was too stubborn to even consider asking if it was in the first place. 
And that's only the beginning.. There's so much to do. But, I'm not in it alone.

God, 
help me, please.. to let go of my fears that keep me holding tight to the say I have in every little detail, the details that cushion me. And help to distract me from the big problems that I don't want to handle.
 Help me to pass the baton to you. I have plenty of history with you; Enough to know that you want what's best for me. And won't leave me to suffer, not without your peace and comfort.
 I can't handle all this pressure I put on myself.. the stress of life at moments like this. I need your help. I always have. I've just been too stubborn to ask for it. Or let go, when I do ask. 
There's only one boss here. And it's you.. Always has been. I'm trying, but I know I'll never fill your shoes. And I don't want to. Just 18 years of living my life has almost done me in. I can't imagine your burden. Bearing everyone's sorrows, forgiving and knowing their every sin. 
Still, you welcome the pathetic cries of me, and others like me. You still call me your child. When I don't understand myself, you remind me I'm made in your image. I am precious to you.. No matter my need to be planning and trying to take over what's rightfully yours.. 
Thank you. For not giving up on me. And for welcoming me back, when I give up on you.. Help me to let go. To give you my anxiety. It won't be easy. But rarely do good things come easily. And you know I'm not the kind to give up. Just help me to not get discouraged along the way.
I love you

Friday, April 26, 2013

Writing Gives Me Wings

















Life  often brings things that are unexpected.. even to those (like myself) who plan out every day and conversation to a T.

Coping is probably one of the most important life skills to learn. And it's not even necessarily something that can be taught.
After years of counseling, I've found that out the hard way. No one, but me.. can tell me what to think, how to feel, what  to do, how to handle things ((Etc)) It's something I have to figure out on my own.

I've turned to some not-so-good methods of coping or healing, just setting myself further back. BUT one thing I've always had- even in the midst of all my other bad decisions were my artistic interests.. I really enjoy to write, paint, draw, sing, play piano..
Up until last year when I started Public School, I had done all of these things when I could make time in my busy schedule. I wouldn't really show anyone and pretty much took no pride in it. Just something to help me escape.

Luckily, that's all changed. While some home-schoolers would be appalled or terrified at the thought of changing everything about their lifestyle, I welcomed the experience. One that I will cherish forever. I've found so much solace in Public School.
Friends of my own age, some exposure to the "real world" that would have left me on my face, had I gone straight into college right out of home-school. My skin is a little tougher.. and I've learned to earn my grades more so than before. I have teachers I've never met in Conway, through Distance Learning. They don't care to get to know me as well as my former teacher/principle (Mom&Dad) did/do.. they just want that assignment turned in on time.
But it's more than all of that.
I'm no longer hiding my talents. At school; many have heard me sing, play piano, they've admired my artwork in the cafeteria, when my art teacher sneaks it out there. And in journalism just recently I won three awards!
I never set out to do well in any of these things. My intentions were solely to find a place to vent all m frustration and hurt. To find a positive way to express my feelings..
That's not to say that I'm not a perfectionist about it, and try to make my things look good.. I'm just blown away by the things I've been able to add to my Bio, in the two years I've been going to public school. The acceptance from others, the confidence I've found in myself..
There's no better feeling to me than doing something I enjoy and getting something back. Feeling like I'm doing something right, without stressing myself out over it, absolutely wonderful!

Thank you, to everyone who has been supportive of me, and the things I like to to. Every positive word goes toward making me more confident and closer to the me I want to be. Happy. On my own. Not depending on someone else's opinion, or approval.

Saturday, April 6, 2013

[The Harvest Is Plenty]

For a little while now.. (which means since November 30th) I've been looking for a job. I've had my share of disappointments and a lot of getting my hopes up. Finally, after a long wait, filling out applications and such- I was hired, TODAY! April 6th, 2013. A new member of the Harvest Foods Deli/Bakery team. But it isn't all that short, or simple. So.. I'll embark along the journey and back-story. ((((If you aren't interested, stop reading now, and help me celebrate my new employment.))) The very first Job application I filled out after leaving "The Store" as I call O.G.S.. Was for Harvest Foods. A position in the Deli had just opened up. So I thinking that would be something I'd enjoy, applied. I received a call-back. But my mom had the phone with her and didn't answer. Eventually she got around to listening to the voice-mail Missy, the manager, had left. I frantically called back, all to find that I was too late. She insured me; however that I would be the first to know if anything opened up. I didn't really put too much stock into that. She didn't know me, so why would she care so much to hold my application? I didn't want to get my hopes up, all to find that she was just saying that to sugar coat the bad news she just gave me Despaired, I sought employment elsewhere. Applying at Dollar General next. I spoke with the manager and thought I had it in-the-bag. Apparently not. Then I just went crazy. I filled out applications for Fred's, Dollar Tree, Pizza Hut, Pizza Pro, Sonic, Atwoods, Stage, Factory connection.. even talked to "The Store" again. I was desperate. But that didn't seem to be getting me anywhere. This week, has been crazy. I've not been feeling well, school is getting insane and drama is like everywhere. I've had a lot on my mind, and a lot to stress over. One of those things being, a job. I had written on my hand "CALL HARVEST..One last time" Thursday morning. It had crossed my mind a couple times throughout the day, but I didn't plan on doing so until I got off the bus. That's where God came in. I was in eighth hour, seriously feeling like it should be Friday, like yesterday. When the phone rings. The teacher answers the phone and starts saying words like "she," and "her." Me being the only girl in the class at that moment, I was like "GREAT...What do they want now? can I just go home, please" he gets off the phone and tells me to go to the office. I drag my feet. Trying to figure out what this could possibly be about. I walk in and our secretary hands me two phone numbers. She says "It's Missy, the manager of the Deli/Bakery at Harvest. You need to call" A smile instantly graces my face and I'm no longer dreading the walk over here. I call her and happily say "yes ma'am" to her first question, "are you still looking for a job?" we talk a little bit.. and she tells me to come in on Saturday for an interview. Well, It's Saturday, and I did.. and as I said. I have a job! God is so good. What an amazing thought it is that in all the millions of people that inhabit the earth, he keeps me in mind. My wants and needs. My number one place of employment. The same day that it was on my hand, and in the back of my mind. It was in the front of His. He loves me and looks out for me. He knew I needed the job, money.. to make me feel better about all the things that are coming up. Having some sure things and organization is what keeps me same. God catered to that. Knowing I am totally stressing over how to pay for this, and that.. I love Him so much. I'm in awe of his amazing knowledge and how He takes care of me. it's one of those moments that remind me I'm not so small or insignificant after all. The God of the universe took time to see that I have a way to provide for my little things. While he was busy providing for everything else. He is always faithful to me. Though I don't do the best job of being faithful to Him. I don't always remember to pray before I fall asleep at night. And I probably complained more to my boyfriend about needing a job, than I did asking that He (God) would help me.

Sunday, February 24, 2013

Safe Haven, Movie Review

Safe Haven, starring Julianne Hough, as Katie, Josh Duhamel, as Alex and many other “big names” in the film industry- along with some who are sure to have a career unfolding after this flick. Debuting in theaters all around the U.S., opening night Valentine’s Day, 2013 is without-a-doubt a chic-flick. But, don’t judge it so fast. While it does have familiar scenes and storylines from other films you may have seen, it’s a breath of fresh air in the chic-flick world. Giving actress, Julianne Hough a new and exciting reputation, as she has shared some smaller roles in her acting career, for example- a voice, in Gladiators of Rome- or an uncredited role in Harry Potters Sorcerer’s stone. I predict this will no longer be the case for Hough as she came to life in the film Save Haven, and this isn’t just my opinion. I was reading reviews for the film and many echoed the praises that Hough was incredible and for sure made the film worth seeing. Many have formed new opinions of this new actress. The movie begins with an exhilarating scene of a young woman frantically running through a neighborhood, barefoot and scared. Carrying only a plastic sac worth of goods to escape with- While you aren’t sure what she’s running from, you can’t help but feel sorry for the girl. She soon finds herself on a bus, headed far-far away. She is quiet and scared- keeping to herself. She finds herself enchanted by a little town, Southport, in North Carolina. The seagulls peacefully gliding over the ocean waves that come crashing in at the dock, close-knit community and a place of her own in the woods, where she feels hidden from the hustle- and-bustle of the busy town. Katie (Hough) soon finds herself making ties to the people and places of this small town. She begins working as a waitress at a local fish shack. She learns some people skills, makes friends and some money to support herself. One day, as she’s coming home from work she finds an unknown woman peering into her house- little does she know, this woman (Jo)- played by Cobie Smulders, will soon become her best friend, and so much more. Katie continues to make a life for herself and get cozy in her little house outside of town. Making it more like a home. Just when she finds herself falling deeply in love with Alex- played by Josh Duhamel, she is once again, haunted by her past. She finds that the man who she was running from at the beginning of the film is in town, and on a mission. He works with the police- though this badge and gun have been taken due to a new discovery of his drinking problem, and uses this position to make fake “wanted” signs of Katie. Labeling her as a murderer, in the first degree. Much to Katie’s dismay, these are found by Alex, who is in the police’s station- planning the annual firework show for the upcoming fourth of July celebration. After Katie frantically packs up and gets ready to “get out of town” and almost boards a Ferry to anywhere else- Alex comes to his senses and asks to know the real Katie- Or, Erin. After hearing of her dark past, being involved with the wrong manipulative and abusive alcoholic police officer, and husband- he vows to protect her from any harm and love her like she’s never been loved before. Furthermore, he promises “As long as you’re with me, you’re as safe as you could ever be,” So, Katie trusts him and goes to live with him, under his protection where she feels safe- and a part of a family again. The movie continues to unfold- leaving you on the edge of your seat in some places, as there is a dramatic scene- where Katie is forced to face her abusive husband, save Alexs’ daughter, Lexi- Played by Mimi Kirkland, save the house from disaster.. All-together, ridding her life from the dark past this alcoholic man has created. As always, there is a happy ending- but it’s more than just that, in the film Save Haven. There’s also an unexpected twist, which leaves you scratching your head- and re-thinking much of what you just saw. Overall, I found the movie Safe Haven much worth the watch. And a perfect movie date for Valentine’s Day. Many are sure to cry tears of both happiness and maybe even empathy, as the scenes are realistically portrayed, and show you how many may be living everyday in an abusive situation. It’s sure to touch your heart, and warm your soul.

Sunday, February 17, 2013

Movin' on

I know this is random- and sounds even a little concieted. But I was talking about it with someone today- so to me, it seems completely relevant.
I've been through my fare-share of hard times, over the past couple years. While I don't claim to be completely out-of-the-woods, or perfect in any way- I will say that I'm rather proud of the progress I've made so far. .
I can tell you without any hesitation, mistakes I've made- things I reget- things I'd be embarrassed over, or try to deny- all things about myself and my past.
But I can't do any of those things. It took me awhile to realize that- but I finally have. And I've made some steps in the right direction, of moving on and becoming my own person. I'm still a bit of a push-over and sentimental, soft-hearted.. etc. Like I said, I need to do better. But I'm still much more independent and self-reliant than I once was. I have been, to some extent all of my life, being the oldest of 5 children- but now I'm learning to be more than just the oldest, and take care of everyone else- I'm learning to take care of myself as well. I spent far too long relying on others re-inforcement to make me feel better about all I had been through, or what I was feeling. I went to counseling to not get much back. Because I did a lot of talking- and not much acting. I'm so done with that. .
That's one of the several things I look back on, and ask myself ... "why, just why?" while many may think, given the things that I have been through- I've made some significant progress, in a timely manner- I still realize I could have experienced more joy, if I had only traded in all the bitterness I harbored. Along with feelings of regret, "what-ifs", sad memories, long sleepless nights...etc.

That ^ is exactly the point of this post. Not just to reflect on who I once was.. or all the things I want to change. Rather, things I don't know that I would change, if I had the power to, and the lessons I've learned from it.

Lately, scrolling down my news feed- I've been seeing a lot of "downer" posts. And it breaks my heart. I know I've had my fare-share of those. Another thing I look back on and ask myself "why" but being able to relate to them, doesn't make them any easier to read. I am not trying to down-play anyone's problems- or reprimand you. Your Facebook, your right.. if I don't like it, I can scroll on. Still, I want to give a shout-out, to all you downers. I want to give you this one thought and let you do as you wish with it.
Think of all the happiness you're robbing yourself- and taking unhappiness in exchange. Now I'm not the best at math, but that doesn't seem like a winning situation.. -1+1=0 think of the negattive comments/thoughts, as the negative number. You're just equaling zero. That's not a good place to be. I've made it a point to stop with all the negative statuses. At first, it was hard.. and though I dind't put it on Facebook, I probably verbalized it to someone.. then, It got easier.. it's been so long since I've posted something that would be a serious dark-cloud on someone's newsfeed.
That's something I'm proud of. One little action that isn't all that hard, when you think about it, can make a big difference. Made me feel better about myself, and keeps from bringing someone else down when they are spending time on Facebook.
I know, life "sucks" sometimes. But try to find some perspective. Perspective is SO wonderful. I think it's something we should all be abounding in.. it can make a huge difference as well. There are some things that I can understand you'd complain about (death...) others, like "Omg! it's raining.. I'm so bummed right now. My hair is going to be frizzy now. And it's school picture day" in a situation like that, think of it this way:
1. your mom/grandma.. whoever else will be getting (and paying for) your school pictures have more than likely seen you in some pretty not-so-pretty situations.. Flu, Chicken pocks- raccoon eyes after crying.. etc. They won't care. They will still pinch your cheeks and tell you you're precious.
2. when you're 40- you'll look back and wish frizzy hair was your only complaint about your looks..

I know, silly- but it really does pay off to be positive. I promise, it will be one of the best decisions you've ever made.
I'm not perfect- I can be negative, too. But I have learned to get a little better, and get up off the ground and start over. If you have a faulty foundation- you'll just fall over again. Don't crumble- or take the bait, all for the momentary "satisfaction" of complaining.
"Whatever is true, noble, lovely, above reproach- think on these things"
There's always something positive. I know it's hard to think of things sometimes. But I promise if you truly look for them and you ask for God's help- he will bring something/someone to mind. He doesn't want us to be miserable, anymore than we want to fall off a clift (suicidal thoughts don't count)..

It took me awhile to realize just how blessed I really am. You may be in the same spot. I've always heard that when you're close to the subject, it seems so much worse than it really is. And it's true. As long as I dwell on a problem and worry over it, it will continue to be a problem.
It's not until I take a step back and realize things are smaller from a farther distance, and not as bad as I may have made them out to be... that I can also see what's surrounding that "huge" thing that was devestating me. The good things in life. Small blessings or ways that God works in my life.
I owe a lot of people things.. things I can never repay them for- or say thank-you enough for. And I have a lot to be grateful for/ look forward to.
You do too- if you'll only look for them.. sometimes you'll find that they've been right in front of you, this whole time.
Life is what you make it,
Things are only as bad as you make them seem,
Objects in mirror are closer than they appear... wait, what?

Make a consious effort, until it becomes a habit.. habits are hard to break- so make good ones.
and always breathe.. count to ten. Don't get mad over things that aren't worth your time. Choose your battles wisely.
Know you're loved, valuable, created for a purpose.. beautiful.

Saturday, January 12, 2013

Don't tear it down, Build a door!

We've all heard the saying "built a wall" we use it often in referring to people who have been through much and become closed off from others, in fear of being hurt again.
I've had this said of me before, as a matter of fact. Many people will try to (and it happened to me too!) "tear it down." I can say (also from experience) that it is not at all a pleasant experience. for those who are doing the demolishing and the trying to hold on to every brick.
I would strongly discourage you from doing this. It more than likely won't do any good for you or the others involved. In fact, I wouldn't hesitate to say that it may destroy a friendship.
So, here's a new concept: Don't tear it down, Build a door!

Many people, as I said, build these walls to "protect" themselves from being hurt anymore than they already have been. Unfortunately, it also doubles as a wall to keep in the hurt that's already been done. Many people don't realize this, until after the fact- once the damage has already been done. Some friends or concerned family will catch on to this and they will try to help. While that's sweet and much appreicated.. I can assure you that destroying the wall won't do any good.
While constantly living in the past is harmful to anyone.. it's often the response many resort to when trying to move on. Trying to figure things out is a huge part of healing. Like children, we don't easily accept answers such as "because" or, "I said so." we will argue until given a well-thought-out response.
Instead, try to be supportive and helpful to your friend. Don't let them hurt themselves anymore than they have been already. Try to help them find a happy place, and focus on the good things in life. Many times the things that bind us are "small" things. hurtful words, a song that reminds us of something..etc. so, try to replace them with happier "small" things. Ever heard the saying, "It's the little thing?" that applies to much of life.

trying to change people or tell them they are ridiculous, should move on, get over it..etc. Rarely goes over well. People don't need you to tell them things they already know. More importantly, they don't need your judgment or to feel like you're making efforts to change them. We are defensive and don't like to be flawed. We will make every effort to hide our dark secrets, mistakes or worries- to seem like we have it together. When you point out flaws.. people either shut down or things get ugly.

Anyway. I'm rambling by now. But you hopefully get my point.
I don't mean to sound like the hippies of the day when I say "all you need is love" (though I do like the Beetles) but it's partially true. Honesty, even when it hurts is good. But back to that love.. we need to speak the truth in love. Try to be empathetic when dealing with those who have gone through much. They need your support and friendship. Not judgment and misunderstanding. It's not always about understanding. I don't understand the first thing about math. But I understand that it's essential to my graduation and living, so I try hard to pass and get the right answer... I don't know "Y" finding X is so dang important. But if I can learn how to do it right, I get an A.. that letter, I do understand. This is the same thing. Not everyone handles things the way that you do. Something you can brush off may be a HUGE deal to someone else. Be patient and loving. Allow people to be upset when they need to be.
Don't try to change and control others. Accept them for all that they are, knowing you have made many mistakes or poor decisions as they.
Don't tear it down, Build a door.

Don't tear it down, Build a door!

We've all heard the saying "built a wall" we use it often in referring to people who have been through much and become closed off from others, in fear of being hurt again.
I've had this said of me before, as a matter of fact. Many people will try to (and it happened to me too!) "tear it down." I can say (also from experience) that it is not at all a pleasant experience. for those who are doing the demolishing and the trying to hold on to every brick.
I would strongly discourage you from doing this. It more than likely won't do any good for you or the others involved. In fact, I wouldn't hesitate to say that it may destroy a friendship.
So, here's a new concept: Don't tear it down, Build a door!

Many people, as I said, build these walls to "protect" themselves from being hurt anymore than they already have been. Unfortunately, it also doubles as a wall to keep in the hurt that's already been done. Many people don't realize this, until after the fact- once the damage has already been done. Some friends or concerned family will catch on to this and they will try to help. While that's sweet and much appreicated.. I can assure you that destroying the wall won't do any good.
While constantly living in the past is harmful to anyone.. it's often the response many resort to when trying to move on. Trying to figure things out is a huge part of healing. Like children, we don't easily accept answers such as "because" or, "I said so." we will argue until given a well-thought-out response.
Instead, try to be supportive and helpful to your friend. Don't let them hurt themselves anymore than they have been already. Try to help them find a happy place, and focus on the good things in life. Many times the things that bind us are "small" things. hurtful words, a song that reminds us of something..etc. so, try to replace them with happier "small" things. Ever heard the saying, "It's the little thing?" that applies to much of life.

trying to change people or tell them they are ridiculous, should move on, get over it..etc. Rarely goes over well. People don't need you to tell them things they already know. More importantly, they don't need your judgment or to feel like you're making efforts to change them. We are defensive and don't like to be flawed. We will make every effort to hide our dark secrets, mistakes or worries- to seem like we have it together. When you point out flaws.. people either shut down or things get ugly.

Anyway. I'm rambling by now. But you hopefully get my point.
I don't mean to sound like the hippies of the day when I say "all you need is love" (though I do like the Beetles) but it's partially true. Honesty, even when it hurts is good. But back to that love.. we need to speak the truth in love. Try to be empathetic when dealing with those who have gone through much. They need your support and friendship. Not judgment and misunderstanding. It's not always about understanding. I don't understand the first thing about math. But I understand that it's essential to my graduation and living, so I try hard to pass and get the right answer... I don't know "Y" finding X is so dang important. But if I can learn how to do it right, I get an A.. that letter, I do understand. This is the same thing. Not everyone handles things the way that you do. Something you can brush off may be a HUGE deal to someone else. Be patient and loving. Allow people to be upset when they need to be.
Don't try to change and control others. Accept them for all that they are, knowing you have made many mistakes or poor decisions as they.
Don't tear it down, Build a door.

Thursday, January 3, 2013

Les Meserables

I feel like everytime I go to the movies, I should bring a notebook to jot down my many thoughts and blog post ideas. They seem to come to me..and without end.
Recently, I enjoyed the production Les Meserables- starring many familiar faces: Anne Hathaway, Reese Witherspoon, that one girl from momma Mia..and many others.
It's a musical- to the max. There's maybe a sentence in the whole two hour long production that is spoken, not sang.
We could discuss the plot or stirrings for quite sometime. As I'm sure there's a black-and-white copy of what it's really about, I found it to be very much up for debate and to ones own interpretation.
Anyway. There were many powerful moments in this musical. Ones that truly moved me and touched my heart, sending chills up my spine.
I could tell you what they were, but I won't. Simply because; you may want to see it for yourself- and I don't want to ruin the suspense. And secondly, I don't feel like giving you a huge backstory. A picture is worth a thousand words..so grab some tissues and go watch it.

Anyway. There's my poor movie review. I'm on my phone- so this will have to do.