so a topic that's been on my mind a lot lately is sexual purity. I mean for the most part all of us have grown up hearing that sex before marriage is bad, and that we should never do that outside of that. And we tend to tell ourselves, “oh, I could never do that, I'm a good Christian person. I have Jesus in my heart and a purity ring on my finger.” but I'm sure a lot of girls and guys who have lost their purity, have said the same thing. So the questions that have been on my mind are
1.what is purity...?
2.what does the Bible have to say about it..?
3.how can I be sure, that I don't go too far..?
so Here's what I've come up with, with research, brain-power and help from some people I respect.
1. WHAT IS PURITY!?...
As I discovered when me and Jeff discussed this the other day...
purity and innocence are two different things, even though we usually put them together, just like we do discipline and punishment .. believe it or not, they are different, Here's how...
Innocence, is usually a “sheltered” kind of pure... like “oh, well she's home-schooled and hasn't been exposed to a lot of that stuff, so she doesn't know what it is.” being innocent, is really just being out of the loop. Not getting dirty jokes, or being exposed to perverted or vulgar things.
While purity, is living amongst those things, and still being able to say that you are pure at heart. We might still Understand a lot of the dirty jokes, we might know about the nasty movies and all the other media in this world, but it's about us, still choosing to be a “goodie two-shoes” in spite all of that. That's why a lot of times we are told in the Bible to be Pure, as opposed to innocent, because God knows that we are going to slip up sometimes. And he allows that to happen, He gave us free will, the power to make our own decisions, and since the fall of man, we know, that not all of the decisions we make in our lives will be perfect.
So being able to say that you are sexually pure, both physically and mentally, is quite the achievement. Because while most of us can say, we've never “done it” we can't say, that we've never looked at another man or woman, and thought things that we shouldn't have. That's where once again, being pure comes in handy. On either side. On the girls side, it might be things like … dressing modestly, so that they can prevent some of the lust that guys struggle with. Or on the guys side, purity is choosing not to think those things, or if you start to, stop yourself... change the subject, start thinking of other things.
2.THE BIBLE! (AND WHAT IT HAS TO SAY...)
well, I found several verses, but this was my favorite, because it said like EVERYTHING that I'm trying to say. And I've been reading the proverb of the day, so it was so great, to be reminded of what I read a couple days ago!
Watch over your heart with all diligence, For from it flow the springs of life. Put away from you a deceitful mouth And put devious speech far from you. Let your eyes look directly ahead And let your gaze be fixed straight in front of you. Watch the path of your feet And all your ways will be established. Do not turn to the right nor to the left; Turn your foot from evil.
In other words. We need to be careful, to guard our hearts, we need to be cautious, about everything that goes in, because eventually what's on the inside will show to the outside. We don't need to look to the side, or behind us... God has all of that. We need to keep our eyes and our mind focused on our purpose. We need to remember that our bodies are temples of the Lord, and we don't need to mess with what He has designed. We need to stay pure, both physically and mentally. We need to keep our mind made up, that we will NOT have sex until marriage. We need to make that our focus... don't look to the side and say “oh, well no-one has to know, “ “it won't matter” “just this once” “it will all be the past before you know it.. “ BLAH, BLAH, BLAH!!!!!!! don't tell yourself that. EVER. It isn't true. No matter how many times you have sex with him, it won't make him love you any more, and no matter how many babies you have with him, it won't make him stay. Tell yourself that girls... remember all actions have consequences. whether it's a broken heart, or a baby, or a miscarriage (because you're too young) or even getting kicked out because you're parents are disappointed, and yes, even ruining... or fracturing your relationship with whoever baby it is, your parents, your friends... and your outlook on life, on yourself.
3.HOW CAN WE BE SURE, NOT TO GO TOO FAR!!??...
I think this was the hardest question for me to answer, I mean I've always told myself that I could NEVER do that, I'd be too scared, worried, upset with myself, nervous to do that. Not to mention I'd never be alone with a guy where that could happen... and all the other things I started telling myself. But Girls, here are some other things to think about.
1.not everything is your fault. It might not be that you want to have sex, it might be that he does, and he forces it upon you.
2.It might be that the things that we tell ourselves we'd never do, we are most susceptible to ... how many fears have you overcome? How many things have you done you never would have guessed you'd ever be doing? How many people have you befriended that you told yourself you'd never get along with?... there are few things at our age that we can be solid with.. and tell ourselves would NEVER happen, because truth is, at our age... we really don't know what we like and what we don't, things change about us and who we are... every day!!
3.you might find yourself in a situation, where things got out of hand, and you were too scared, or confused to know what to do.
That's why we are encouraged to take a VOW OF PURITY. And wear purity rings... not because it's going to wart off evil, and it will act as pepper spray and make them go away, or leave us alone. But because it's a reminder to us, that we are God's and he wants us to wait, till He decides it's time. A VOW, or a PLEDGE isn't meant to be taken lightly... once we put that ring on, or say that pledge, whatever it is you guys have done, that's it. We have just decided we aren't going to have sex till marriage PERIOD. That ring is there, so that whenever we are in a tough spot, we can look down and remember that we promised, it's kinda like our conscience, our little Jimminie cricket. Saying that we need to find some way to get out of that situation.
Now, I know that sometimes things don't go the way we plan, and boys are NO exception... really I understand that. I know a few ;) but even if plans change, our morals and beliefs shouldn't... if something starts to go sour, and the mood starts to change, GET OUT... too hard for you? You feel like your being rude? You aren't strong enough? You can't? What if he won't like you anymore? BULL. You can do it, believe me, it will be a lot easier to leave just as things are getting bad, than it will after well, you know... you are a princess, you are VERY valuable to God, if some boy is going to take from you what you've been given by God, he better be your husband, and he better treat you right.
Make a list, of things you will and will not do, and when your thinking about getting a boyfriend, discuss that list with that lucky guy!. or BETTER YET! Make him help you make the list, so you'll know where he stands too. And you know what, don't just make that list, STICK TO IT! … pray about it, and make sure what you've decided matches up with the Bible!
If one night He decides to go further than you, He and God have decided is right. DO SOMETHING! No Really... this is the fun part!! you get to do WHATEVER you need to, and once you tell people why, they won't think twice about it, and He'll be the bad guy!... isn't that great?... you have been given a spirit of COURAGE. Not meekness or fear, you have been given the right . (wemon's rights) the courage (from God) and the power (adrenaline) to do whatever it takes, to step out of this situation, with your big girl pants on, and a purity ring still there snug on your finger. And a smile that won't go away, no matter how hard anyone tries.
Doesn't that sound great?... that's because it is.
So really girls, don't wait till it's too late too decide what you'll do when you're faced with an ugly situation, and a boy suffering from too much hormones. Decide what you'll do today. And do it whenever (if) the time comes
if you've already suffered from a bad experience, or you've beaten the junk outta a boy for going to far. Please let me know, I'd love to be a shoulder to cry on. Or give you a high five for being one tough girl!
Don't let your life be another sob story about how things went too far, and he took some of you with him, when he left. Please!
Monday, July 26, 2010
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
[*]Your sweet music finds it's way to my ears, drowning out the world's empty cheers. as I listen crying softly these strange figures start to dance through the air... Now I'm running fingers through my hair.
Wiping my tears from my eyes, I tell myself that soon it will be alright. But inside I have this aching feeling that it will take time, And I'm not sure that I'll be strong enough to wait around
as these walls come down
for answers to the questions all around
for your clairity if only for one moment, I want to see your purpose and my final destiny
all I need is hope to get through, Just one little promise to hold on to.
just one still moment to be alone with you.
God, I need something more, something pure something dear, something that won't cause me any fear.
is there anything in this world that I can be sure of, can you please just give me one thing? one moment of your blessed assurance.
[*] now I'm walking, counting steps, I'm at 40 with 60 left.
there's no telling how many tears I've cried, or how many have helped me to accomplish anything.
But I'll lift them up still as an offering. make something beautiful from my pain.
make something worthy from this pitiful thing.
[*] flipping through, page after page, trying to find you somewhere inbetween all my notes and prayers... letters written "to whoever cares"...
where are you, in all this mess? why do I always seem to forget that I'm so blessed?
why do I make, such stupid mistakes... and why do you chose to love me anyways?
I just don't understand, I don't see where I fit in.
in your perfect plans... because I'm so small, and your so big.
your so great, and I am not how could you use me for something so great?
[*] now I'm closing my eyes, but I'm still searching and trying to find that something more, that moment I've been waiting for. where this will all make sense and I'll have that one promise to help me get through.... the moment, where I'll hold on to you.
and I'll plunder my way through this mess, and out of it... I'll make something more.
[*] saying goodbye, to all that I know.
because I'm sure things are about to change,
hold on... because here we go.
Friday, July 9, 2010
Every Sunday at church, my dear friend Cheryl, will walk up to me and ask “ Hello, Miss Tamara, How are you?” I always say the same thing to her. “oh, I'm pretty good... how about yourself??” it has always seemed to me as a perfect response, it's a happy medium between good and bad, and a place where we should all feel comfortable admitting we are. But that never seems to satisfy her, she then seems to always say the same thing, as she reaches out to me to touch my wrist gently with a smile. “Ugh, only pretty good??....” “Yes Ma'am” is always my reply. Then we go our separate ways...
and from that point,I've always just kinda blown it off, and went along on my way. Without a second thought. But recently I've been thinking more about that question. “how are you” I guess my problem is, Usually I confuse that question with something like “how was your day today?” or “how are you feeling today?” ... when she asks me “how are you”, I can usually think of at LEAST one or two things that could make my day not so great... being rushed to get ready for church, spilling coffee on myself or something that has been bothering me from the night before or even all week long. so I'll just say “pretty good” because after all It can always be worse and saying terrible would be a bit dramatic. But I the more I think About it, the more I find myself going back to her response. “Ugh, only pretty good??....” for the longest time I thought she was just being sarcastic, or giving me a hard time about me taking things so personally and seriously all the time. But now that I'm beginning to think about it more, the more I begin to understand. She just like everyone else, has had her share of troubles, and from what she's shared with me, she has every right to use my response and say she's only “pretty good”. And yet, she is one of the most positive people I know, every time I've asked her how she was, no matter the circumstance or situation, she's always said “I'm just great!!.” it had puzzled me when she said that, when I knew that she had some stuff going on that could easily bog me down if I were in her shoes, and it could keep me from saying that I was “just great!!!!..” but now, I understand. She was ( and is) able to say that because she Has the promise that we all do in Christ. The promise that we are provided for. And we have every reason to be “just great”
“ I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content
whatever the circumstances, I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to
have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation whether
well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want”
Cheryl had learned the secret of having her joy being made complete. ( 1st John 1:4)
and that no matter her circumstance, she was able to say that she was “JUST GREAT” because she knows that no matter the need, or problem, she is provided for. And she knew that she could hold her head high and abide in that Joy she had been given through Christ.
Basically when I give my pathetic “pretty good” response I'm spitting in God's face and telling Him that what He's given me isn't good enough for me to squeeze a “just great” from... and all I ever give him is “pretty good”.
so next time when she asks me how I am, instead of focusing on how frustrated I was getting ready for church that morning, or the things that had been bothering me that week. I will answer with what Jesus has given me in mind. And how much more blessings I have than worries, and I will say that I am “just great,” because I am. No matter how stormy or rocky my life may be at that moment . I know that I have a savior who loves me so much He died on the cross for my sake. So that when troubles come my way. I can consider them pure joy ( James 1 :2-4)
And I will be able to tell the world that I am “just great”
and finally, I can rest assure that I will never be tempted beyond what I am able to handle with His help. I'll always know that no matter what comes my way, he'll give me the strength to come out more than just “pretty good”
( 1st Corinthians 10:13).
So... How are you today??.