Some random thoughts on Purity!
so a topic that's been on my mind a lot lately is sexual purity. I mean for the most part all of us have grown up hearing that sex before marriage is bad, and that we should never do that outside of that. And we tend to tell ourselves, “oh, I could never do that, I'm a good Christian person. I have Jesus in my heart and a purity ring on my finger.” but I'm sure a lot of girls and guys who have lost their purity, have said the same thing. So the questions that have been on my mind are
1.what is purity...?
2.what does the Bible have to say about it..?
3.how can I be sure, that I don't go too far..?
so Here's what I've come up with, with research, brain-power and help from some people I respect.
1. WHAT IS PURITY!?...
As I discovered when me and Jeff discussed this the other day...
purity and innocence are two different things, even though we usually put them together, just like we do discipline and punishment .. believe it or not, they are different, Here's how...
Innocence, is usually a “sheltered” kind of pure... like “oh, well she's home-schooled and hasn't been exposed to a lot of that stuff, so she doesn't know what it is.” being innocent, is really just being out of the loop. Not getting dirty jokes, or being exposed to perverted or vulgar things.
While purity, is living amongst those things, and still being able to say that you are pure at heart. We might still Understand a lot of the dirty jokes, we might know about the nasty movies and all the other media in this world, but it's about us, still choosing to be a “goodie two-shoes” in spite all of that. That's why a lot of times we are told in the Bible to be Pure, as opposed to innocent, because God knows that we are going to slip up sometimes. And he allows that to happen, He gave us free will, the power to make our own decisions, and since the fall of man, we know, that not all of the decisions we make in our lives will be perfect.
So being able to say that you are sexually pure, both physically and mentally, is quite the achievement. Because while most of us can say, we've never “done it” we can't say, that we've never looked at another man or woman, and thought things that we shouldn't have. That's where once again, being pure comes in handy. On either side. On the girls side, it might be things like … dressing modestly, so that they can prevent some of the lust that guys struggle with. Or on the guys side, purity is choosing not to think those things, or if you start to, stop yourself... change the subject, start thinking of other things.
2.THE BIBLE! (AND WHAT IT HAS TO SAY...)
well, I found several verses, but this was my favorite, because it said like EVERYTHING that I'm trying to say. And I've been reading the proverb of the day, so it was so great, to be reminded of what I read a couple days ago!
Proverbs 4:23-27
Watch over your heart with all diligence, For from it flow the springs of life. Put away from you a deceitful mouth And put devious speech far from you. Let your eyes look directly ahead And let your gaze be fixed straight in front of you. Watch the path of your feet And all your ways will be established. Do not turn to the right nor to the left; Turn your foot from evil.
In other words. We need to be careful, to guard our hearts, we need to be cautious, about everything that goes in, because eventually what's on the inside will show to the outside. We don't need to look to the side, or behind us... God has all of that. We need to keep our eyes and our mind focused on our purpose. We need to remember that our bodies are temples of the Lord, and we don't need to mess with what He has designed. We need to stay pure, both physically and mentally. We need to keep our mind made up, that we will NOT have sex until marriage. We need to make that our focus... don't look to the side and say “oh, well no-one has to know, “ “it won't matter” “just this once” “it will all be the past before you know it.. “ BLAH, BLAH, BLAH!!!!!!! don't tell yourself that. EVER. It isn't true. No matter how many times you have sex with him, it won't make him love you any more, and no matter how many babies you have with him, it won't make him stay. Tell yourself that girls... remember all actions have consequences. whether it's a broken heart, or a baby, or a miscarriage (because you're too young) or even getting kicked out because you're parents are disappointed, and yes, even ruining... or fracturing your relationship with whoever baby it is, your parents, your friends... and your outlook on life, on yourself.
3.HOW CAN WE BE SURE, NOT TO GO TOO FAR!!??...
I think this was the hardest question for me to answer, I mean I've always told myself that I could NEVER do that, I'd be too scared, worried, upset with myself, nervous to do that. Not to mention I'd never be alone with a guy where that could happen... and all the other things I started telling myself. But Girls, here are some other things to think about.
1.not everything is your fault. It might not be that you want to have sex, it might be that he does, and he forces it upon you.
2.It might be that the things that we tell ourselves we'd never do, we are most susceptible to ... how many fears have you overcome? How many things have you done you never would have guessed you'd ever be doing? How many people have you befriended that you told yourself you'd never get along with?... there are few things at our age that we can be solid with.. and tell ourselves would NEVER happen, because truth is, at our age... we really don't know what we like and what we don't, things change about us and who we are... every day!!
3.you might find yourself in a situation, where things got out of hand, and you were too scared, or confused to know what to do.
That's why we are encouraged to take a VOW OF PURITY. And wear purity rings... not because it's going to wart off evil, and it will act as pepper spray and make them go away, or leave us alone. But because it's a reminder to us, that we are God's and he wants us to wait, till He decides it's time. A VOW, or a PLEDGE isn't meant to be taken lightly... once we put that ring on, or say that pledge, whatever it is you guys have done, that's it. We have just decided we aren't going to have sex till marriage PERIOD. That ring is there, so that whenever we are in a tough spot, we can look down and remember that we promised, it's kinda like our conscience, our little Jimminie cricket. Saying that we need to find some way to get out of that situation.
Now, I know that sometimes things don't go the way we plan, and boys are NO exception... really I understand that. I know a few ;) but even if plans change, our morals and beliefs shouldn't... if something starts to go sour, and the mood starts to change, GET OUT... too hard for you? You feel like your being rude? You aren't strong enough? You can't? What if he won't like you anymore? BULL. You can do it, believe me, it will be a lot easier to leave just as things are getting bad, than it will after well, you know... you are a princess, you are VERY valuable to God, if some boy is going to take from you what you've been given by God, he better be your husband, and he better treat you right.
Make a list, of things you will and will not do, and when your thinking about getting a boyfriend, discuss that list with that lucky guy!. or BETTER YET! Make him help you make the list, so you'll know where he stands too. And you know what, don't just make that list, STICK TO IT! … pray about it, and make sure what you've decided matches up with the Bible!
If one night He decides to go further than you, He and God have decided is right. DO SOMETHING! No Really... this is the fun part!! you get to do WHATEVER you need to, and once you tell people why, they won't think twice about it, and He'll be the bad guy!... isn't that great?... you have been given a spirit of COURAGE. Not meekness or fear, you have been given the right . (wemon's rights) the courage (from God) and the power (adrenaline) to do whatever it takes, to step out of this situation, with your big girl pants on, and a purity ring still there snug on your finger. And a smile that won't go away, no matter how hard anyone tries.
Doesn't that sound great?... that's because it is.
So really girls, don't wait till it's too late too decide what you'll do when you're faced with an ugly situation, and a boy suffering from too much hormones. Decide what you'll do today. And do it whenever (if) the time comes
if you've already suffered from a bad experience, or you've beaten the junk outta a boy for going to far. Please let me know, I'd love to be a shoulder to cry on. Or give you a high five for being one tough girl!
Don't let your life be another sob story about how things went too far, and he took some of you with him, when he left. Please!
1.what is purity...?
2.what does the Bible have to say about it..?
3.how can I be sure, that I don't go too far..?
so Here's what I've come up with, with research, brain-power and help from some people I respect.
1. WHAT IS PURITY!?...
As I discovered when me and Jeff discussed this the other day...
purity and innocence are two different things, even though we usually put them together, just like we do discipline and punishment .. believe it or not, they are different, Here's how...
Innocence, is usually a “sheltered” kind of pure... like “oh, well she's home-schooled and hasn't been exposed to a lot of that stuff, so she doesn't know what it is.” being innocent, is really just being out of the loop. Not getting dirty jokes, or being exposed to perverted or vulgar things.
While purity, is living amongst those things, and still being able to say that you are pure at heart. We might still Understand a lot of the dirty jokes, we might know about the nasty movies and all the other media in this world, but it's about us, still choosing to be a “goodie two-shoes” in spite all of that. That's why a lot of times we are told in the Bible to be Pure, as opposed to innocent, because God knows that we are going to slip up sometimes. And he allows that to happen, He gave us free will, the power to make our own decisions, and since the fall of man, we know, that not all of the decisions we make in our lives will be perfect.
So being able to say that you are sexually pure, both physically and mentally, is quite the achievement. Because while most of us can say, we've never “done it” we can't say, that we've never looked at another man or woman, and thought things that we shouldn't have. That's where once again, being pure comes in handy. On either side. On the girls side, it might be things like … dressing modestly, so that they can prevent some of the lust that guys struggle with. Or on the guys side, purity is choosing not to think those things, or if you start to, stop yourself... change the subject, start thinking of other things.
2.THE BIBLE! (AND WHAT IT HAS TO SAY...)
well, I found several verses, but this was my favorite, because it said like EVERYTHING that I'm trying to say. And I've been reading the proverb of the day, so it was so great, to be reminded of what I read a couple days ago!
Proverbs 4:23-27
Watch over your heart with all diligence, For from it flow the springs of life. Put away from you a deceitful mouth And put devious speech far from you. Let your eyes look directly ahead And let your gaze be fixed straight in front of you. Watch the path of your feet And all your ways will be established. Do not turn to the right nor to the left; Turn your foot from evil.
In other words. We need to be careful, to guard our hearts, we need to be cautious, about everything that goes in, because eventually what's on the inside will show to the outside. We don't need to look to the side, or behind us... God has all of that. We need to keep our eyes and our mind focused on our purpose. We need to remember that our bodies are temples of the Lord, and we don't need to mess with what He has designed. We need to stay pure, both physically and mentally. We need to keep our mind made up, that we will NOT have sex until marriage. We need to make that our focus... don't look to the side and say “oh, well no-one has to know, “ “it won't matter” “just this once” “it will all be the past before you know it.. “ BLAH, BLAH, BLAH!!!!!!! don't tell yourself that. EVER. It isn't true. No matter how many times you have sex with him, it won't make him love you any more, and no matter how many babies you have with him, it won't make him stay. Tell yourself that girls... remember all actions have consequences. whether it's a broken heart, or a baby, or a miscarriage (because you're too young) or even getting kicked out because you're parents are disappointed, and yes, even ruining... or fracturing your relationship with whoever baby it is, your parents, your friends... and your outlook on life, on yourself.
3.HOW CAN WE BE SURE, NOT TO GO TOO FAR!!??...
I think this was the hardest question for me to answer, I mean I've always told myself that I could NEVER do that, I'd be too scared, worried, upset with myself, nervous to do that. Not to mention I'd never be alone with a guy where that could happen... and all the other things I started telling myself. But Girls, here are some other things to think about.
1.not everything is your fault. It might not be that you want to have sex, it might be that he does, and he forces it upon you.
2.It might be that the things that we tell ourselves we'd never do, we are most susceptible to ... how many fears have you overcome? How many things have you done you never would have guessed you'd ever be doing? How many people have you befriended that you told yourself you'd never get along with?... there are few things at our age that we can be solid with.. and tell ourselves would NEVER happen, because truth is, at our age... we really don't know what we like and what we don't, things change about us and who we are... every day!!
3.you might find yourself in a situation, where things got out of hand, and you were too scared, or confused to know what to do.
That's why we are encouraged to take a VOW OF PURITY. And wear purity rings... not because it's going to wart off evil, and it will act as pepper spray and make them go away, or leave us alone. But because it's a reminder to us, that we are God's and he wants us to wait, till He decides it's time. A VOW, or a PLEDGE isn't meant to be taken lightly... once we put that ring on, or say that pledge, whatever it is you guys have done, that's it. We have just decided we aren't going to have sex till marriage PERIOD. That ring is there, so that whenever we are in a tough spot, we can look down and remember that we promised, it's kinda like our conscience, our little Jimminie cricket. Saying that we need to find some way to get out of that situation.
Now, I know that sometimes things don't go the way we plan, and boys are NO exception... really I understand that. I know a few ;) but even if plans change, our morals and beliefs shouldn't... if something starts to go sour, and the mood starts to change, GET OUT... too hard for you? You feel like your being rude? You aren't strong enough? You can't? What if he won't like you anymore? BULL. You can do it, believe me, it will be a lot easier to leave just as things are getting bad, than it will after well, you know... you are a princess, you are VERY valuable to God, if some boy is going to take from you what you've been given by God, he better be your husband, and he better treat you right.
Make a list, of things you will and will not do, and when your thinking about getting a boyfriend, discuss that list with that lucky guy!. or BETTER YET! Make him help you make the list, so you'll know where he stands too. And you know what, don't just make that list, STICK TO IT! … pray about it, and make sure what you've decided matches up with the Bible!
If one night He decides to go further than you, He and God have decided is right. DO SOMETHING! No Really... this is the fun part!! you get to do WHATEVER you need to, and once you tell people why, they won't think twice about it, and He'll be the bad guy!... isn't that great?... you have been given a spirit of COURAGE. Not meekness or fear, you have been given the right . (wemon's rights) the courage (from God) and the power (adrenaline) to do whatever it takes, to step out of this situation, with your big girl pants on, and a purity ring still there snug on your finger. And a smile that won't go away, no matter how hard anyone tries.
Doesn't that sound great?... that's because it is.
So really girls, don't wait till it's too late too decide what you'll do when you're faced with an ugly situation, and a boy suffering from too much hormones. Decide what you'll do today. And do it whenever (if) the time comes
if you've already suffered from a bad experience, or you've beaten the junk outta a boy for going to far. Please let me know, I'd love to be a shoulder to cry on. Or give you a high five for being one tough girl!
Don't let your life be another sob story about how things went too far, and he took some of you with him, when he left. Please!
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