When I think of you.. (somewhere between yesterday, and today- in the year of 2011)

When I find myself thinking about you, I often find myself thinking on one thing im-particular.. and that's your smile. Not your "Picture smile" or your "Aawwh, dang.. she just saw me steal that cookie" smile.. not even your "My nieces are precious" smile.. (though, I do love all of those..) the smile I find myself thinking of the most is the one I call "THAT smile"
it's the smile I catch you smiling after I've said something stupid, had a blond moment, you caught me making another one of my faces.. or the rare event that I say something kinda humorous.. (yes, these things are all listed in order of occurrence.. from VERY often. To RARELY ever..)
this smile, though I'm sure.. others AFTER reading the list I just compiled, of when this smile occurs will disagree. Is Not a smile of shame, or embarrassment.. it's more of a Prideful Smile. Not in an arrogant way. But it shows your pride- in me.. (Wow, this sounds conceited. let me explain..)

you see- when I see you smile this smile, after I've done whichever stupid thing, I found the most pleasing at that particular moment.. I imagine you saying this "Wow, my girlfriend is crazy" **Laughs to self.. kinda quietly, so that I won't hear. Though I usually do** then you get back to this imaginary conversation inside of your head, and you continue by saying "As I've already said- she's crazy.. Anyway, it doesn't embarrass me, or faze me in the least bit. She's my girl.. and I accept every piece of her, as crazy and confusing as it may be to others, I get it. And I love and accept her for that.."

When I imagine you smiling this smile, it makes me blush.. not because it embarrasses me, or makes me feel like I've done anything wrong. But because it makes me happy. I mean, I know almost all of this is something I'm assuming/making up.. to make me feel better about myself. But the very thought of someone knowing about all my little quirks, and choosing to smile proudly on it, instead of shamefully looking away or signaling across the room "I don't know her, I don't claim her.. never seen her before tonight. Swear!"

So, Anthony.. now you know why I just can't help but poke your cheeks (which gives you dimples, making it even cuter/sweeter than it was before) when you smile THAT smile.. (I doubt you even know you had 'that' smile, before reading this.. but all the same. I'm very aware of this smile, and more than that. I'm proud of it. I'm proud to say that in a way, I'm the inspiration behind something as adorable and enjoyable as that.
Thank you for smiling 'That' smile.. when I couldn't.. smile for myself.
Thank you for the pride behind 'that' smile.. that makes me feel like maybe I am worth some of your time..
thank you for all you do, for the way you make me feel. You give me the strength to get up again.. to write, to hope for better, to breathe- when I'd usually be running around like my list making headless chicken self.. I could go on and on.. but the bottom line is this.
Thank you- for 'that' smile. it's my ray of sunshine.. my light at the end of the tunnel. My inspiration.. :')