Dear Jesus..

I've been really upset as of late.. and I keep trying to be strong.. and be 'good' (meaning when people ask me how I am, I can say "Good") I've been running every day..
I've been running so far.. trying to run away from everything. But when I stop running, to try to catch my breath.. I cry- and Instead of feeling like I've run away. I feel closer to the problems than I did before I started running.
I can't escape this- and at the same time.. I'm not strong enough to handle it. Believe me, I've tried. I keep trying to give this to you.. and trust you, instead of myself. But everytime I think I have. I learn once again- that I've failed, and I've tried to once again.. to fix things on my own. I need you. I need your love and comfort.. I need patience I need your grace.. I need a lot of things right now. And none of them are things that I can get on my own. So we're back to me trusting you. It sounds so simple, but it's not. Not for me. I know it should be. Because you've made it so easy.. but you've also made me- a very independent person.
Everytime I go to let go, and trust you with everything.. I feel like I should be doing something, I get impatient.. and make plans. Thus throwing yours out the window. I'm not even giving you a fair shot at this. I'm just doing what I think will help.. and well. As you can see from this pathetic prayer. It hasn't.
Anyway well.. as I was saying. I know that I'm not strong enough to handle it on my own. So I know I need to trust others.. and God. But trust.. and not doing things myself have never really been my specialty.. and that has been especially hard for me lately. Because things keep getting worse and worse. And my 'strength' in comparison is getting weaker and weaker.. forcing me to crumble and Hopefully reach out to You...

God.. I just, I need you.. I know I sound like a broken record. I know I've said that a thousand times, and then I've turned right around and tried to once again do things on my own. I guess I'm kinda reassuring myself more than I'm telling you. You already knew that. I just feel the need to say it over, and over, and over...
I need to learn to grant others the grace you have granted me..
I need to learn when to say nothing.. and when to say something, and furthermore- what to say.
I need to learn what is my responsibility, what isn't.. and I need to know how to do what I should.. I need to learn to accept the things that are not mine to handle
I need to learn to be more patient.. and trust that your timing is better than mine.
I need to learn to praise you, even when I don't feel like it.
I need to learn to let little things go.. and after praying, let YOU handle the big things.
I need to do so many things.. you know what I need to do. And now I know that I can't do it without you... so please dear Jesus. Just help me through this. I don't know why you believe in me.. but it's obvious that you do, because as scripture tells me, you'll never give me something that's harder than I can handle. So, this is me.. once again. Trying to give this all to you. Because as much as I hate to admit it. It's really all I can do. This is me.. saying that I want things to get better, and whatever I need to do- I will. Because I trust you. I trust that you have this.. that whatever happens, happens because you've allowed it to. I trust that you will give me the strength to handle this. A strength that is not of myself. But of you. Lord help me to rely more on the strength that's found in you.. and not in me. Because as I've learned as of late. My strength fails- but yours does not.. so here I am again. Trying to do what I should have in the first place.. trusting you.. Please dear Jesus. Don't let me down. I can't take any more disappointment.