You're there.. but far behind me.

I changed everything about me, all to please you.. and Now that you're gone, I don't know what to do. -I don't even know who I am- I changed me, all to please you- it's been so long, I don't even know about me, how much is just for your approval.. and how much is true.
You know, This isn't as easy, as everyone made it out to be. The advice and 1,2,3, steps sounded so easy.. Maybe simple is a better word. I know what needs to be done, but I don't have the strength to take the steps forward..
This sounds strange, I know it does.. But believe me. I found out, that everything you said wasn't true, I found out it wasn't real..Not even your love.. it wasn't true how you always said I needed you.

You've been gone for months (yes I know exactly how many) and I'm still standing here. Without your hand to hold. I don't need any reminders, I know I'm old. I know I'm grown..
Yes, I'm battered and very bruised, but I'm still standing- I haven't crumbled or given up yet. Don't cheer, becuase I have no plans on doing so..
No. I don't claim to be perfect, or have it all figured out. Just wanted you to know, that I'm not giving up. I haven't given out. I'm holding on, to whatever little I have left, after your bitterness came along, and swept over me.
I occasionally have to stop to catch my breath, tie my shoes.. But that's it. I'm going to keep trying to run away from you. Because you're fatal to me, I know you are..
when you're around, I never make it far. I find myself going in circles- or fetching for whatever it is that you 'Need' I'm like your little-sad-eyed- puppy. that never quite learned I'm not on a leash.. At any moment, I could brake free.. If I just found the window, the chance.
Well now I have. And I'm trying to take it. With the little hope I found in someone else- I'll try, and hopefully make it..
I'd say wish me luck, though I know you wouldn't.. You're the one who's always told me that I couldn't.
I'm trying, trying, trying so hard.. to put you behind me.. keep taking those steps forward. I'm trying to make progress..trying to stay healthy.. take care of myself- forget about you, and focus on everyone else. Who's been here all along, patting my back and cheering me along.
I'm trying to think of something but all the pain.. when I occasionally hear your name.
I'm trying to be over you, so that I don't constantly have to choke back tears-
or write you letters late at night, that deep down inside- I know you'll never read.
I'm trying to stop looking through all your things, that you left with me.
I'm trying. Like I've tried a million times. Hoping this time will be different. That I'll walk down this road.. look back- to see that you're still walking behind me.. But far behind. I'm trying to cross our 'state line' so to speak, so that though you'll try- you'll never be able to catch up with me.

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