Monday, August 30, 2010
Before You Give Them Your Heart.
“Love isn't looking at each other, it's looking in the same direction.”
A lot of times when you first meet someone, and for some reason they catch your attention, you're automatically drawn in, and every bit of common sense you have flies out the window. You find yourself thinking about them almost all the time, they're smile, they're laugh, eyes, whatever else... You know what I'm talking about right? I'm not the only one? Good. Okay well, as the quote says up there love isn't just about looking at someone and acknowledging they're attractive features, it's deeper than that. If you have any intentions at all of liking someone, and giving them a piece of you, you need to get to know them first. And ask yourself If it's at all possible for you to be able to look in the same direction.
So here's a challenge for you, get up for a second and get a notebook, and two different colored pens or markers. You'll be one color, and they'll be another. With that special person in mind you're going to make 2 lists. Here we go! This first list we're going to make is going to be the BIG one, the more serious one... you're going to write down some big things about who you are. Things about your personality, your beliefs, personal things about yourself, and as you watch and observe this other person, you write down how they match up with you. Here's an example.
Me: I am a Christian
Him : He is a Christian.
So that would be something that we can agree, and look the same direction on. After you've thought of at least then things,
you can move on to the smaller list, this one is more for fun, to help you get to know you're 'crush' a little better.. Here, I'll show you again
Me: I love stars
Him: He does too!
And every once and awhile you'll run across things that you don't agree on.. Here.
Me: I don't like brownies
Him : He does!
But you have to ask yourself if it's something that you couldn't look past, like with me, I really don't mind if he likes brownies. I understand that we're all different, there are things that I like that he doesn't. But as long as it isn't something HUGE like religion, I can chose to be okay with us having differences, and more than that, I can learn to love and embrace them.
I would also suggest putting a star, check mark, bullet point.. etc, something beside the things that you don't think you could live with. And if out of 10 things you have a check, star, bullet point, beside over 4 I would say it might be best to try to move on, unless it's on the smaller list, and it's only little things like disagreeing on a favorite color, or whether short or long hair looks better. Another thing you might want to do, if you don't think I've given you enough homework already (over-achiever... ) you could make another list of
things you're looking for in a boyfriend/husband
things you could/ couldn't live without in a boyfriend/ husband
even a list of things you would like to do, (us girls just love daydreaming...) whether it's ice-skating, pic-nic in the fall, riding bikes on a sunny day, going to a concert... whatever. You need to know what you want, because spending a whole relationship trying to figure that out never goes over well.
And if you're in a position where that someone knows you like them, and they like you back, go over these lists with them. It takes two to make a relationship of any sort work. And honesty is one of the best policies to have. Don't feel discouraged because you've already put a star beside 3 things, and you feel like it could be 4 or 5 in the next minute, so you lie to yourself and to them, just to get that over with and convince yourself that you're perfect for each other. Because in the end, it really isn't about the lists at all, it's about you. And the other person.
Don't lie to yourself, or anyone else, to make them like you, or make you like them... in the end, your world will just fall apart, because everything you've known, had been a lie. That's no way to live. No relationship is worth that.