I used to be…

 I used to be the most organized, on top of things person.. everything was always “perfect” I had a plan, a schedule, a routine, everything had its place, all the things were done, all the boxes checked, I was always early, everything planned in advance .. blah blah.. 

maybe someday I’ll be that version of myself again but that day seems pretty unattainable right now. 

I’m literally doing good to keep my head out of the water. I feel like I’m failing at everything. 

I am single with three kids and work 40

Hours a week. When I make a list of everything that needs done and compare it to my “free time” it just doesn’t add up.. the only possible way I can get everything done is by running myself into the ground..

As much as I hate it, as much as I feel guilty, Some things are just going to have to fall through the cracks. I can’t be who I used to be Right now. I’m in a new chapter with new challenges and circumstances. 

I’ve been doing too much.. for too many people and piling all the stress on my shoulders.. let me tell ya, it gets real heavy. 

I suck at helping myself/asking for help, setting boundaries, saying no.. I want to be there for everyone else while I’m suffering in silence because It’s easier to deal with other peoples problems and insecurity tells me “nobody wants to listen to you gripe”

If you are like me- don’t wait until allllll the things you’ve been bottling up suddenly come crashing down in one big wave.. because they will. They always do.. you will find yourself paralyzed by fear, doubt, insecurity, anxiety, disappointment, replaying conversations, overthinking situations, not sleeping, shutting people out.. etc 

make an effort to deal with problems head on, one-by-one. 

Make time for yourself,

Give yourself grace,

Choose what is truly important and needs priority- focus on that.

Live in the moment. 

I’m not good at any of these things.. but I know I need to be and I’m going to try. 

I have a lot of type A tendencies and they are very hard to ignore. 

My job won’t pay me any more to work faster

Life won’t give me a trophy for being prepared

My kids won’t love me more for cleaning constantly

My friends will still love me if I don’t spoil them

My car still drives when it’s dirty

Things will happen last minute 

I will fall behind

I will make mistakes

This is going to keep being hard- 3 kids under the age of 7 to 1 adult is no joke! 

I won’t be perfect but I will at least put forth effort.. the ones who truly care will be understanding and the ones who don’t can take their crap on down the road.. I want to be surrounded by positivity!

Don’t ever look at the tiny piece you know about someone’s life and make assumptions.. for that tiny piece you know there’s a thousand you don’t. People don’t usually want your opinions or judgement. Just love and company. Be someone’s safe space, someone’s sounding board, someone’s warm hug, someone’s smile after a long day.. 

you just never know how much they might need it 💕

But make sure you can still fill your own tank because you deserve love and fresh air too.