Goodbye thoughts

Close my eyes, I no longer see you. I'm in the light- with the truth. I've put behind me, all that dealt with you. I don't say your name, think of you on your birthday. You're a pathetic memory- one I'm better off to forget. Open my eyes, I see the present. I'm walking away from your lies. I've placed in front of me- the plans I've made. You aren't a part of them, you're fading to grey. I have my own life and my own direction.. I no longer worry about protection-from you. I'm stronger than I've ever been. I have much better friends. I'm taking care of myself- never placing your pictures on my shelf. I want nothing to do with you. You've ruined enough, we're through. You can make a name for youself, somewhere else- far away from me. no more looking back, no more crying- only laughs no more waking up, scared in the night- no more darkness, only light. no more sorrow- no more shame. No more shouting, no more pain. I have enough worries of my own- without your pain.

I was stupid to think I ever needed you. I was stupid to think I would wilt if I ever said “we’re through” I was stupid to believe you when you said no one could ever love me.. what do you even know about love? You were never there when push came to shove. You found your comfort in another woman.. 2.. 3.. who knows how many- while I stayed at home taking care of our babies, waiting up, worrying hoping that MAYBE you would come home.. but you rarely did. Left me alone. You were never sober, never honest, never kind.. but never mind!! I’m moving on and putting you behind. Way behind.. where you belong. 

This won’t be easy- I know. You always remind me of that when I say it’s time for me to go. 

But loving you was the hardest thing I ever did- and now it’s time to use the strength I’ve gained and continue to grow. On my own.