Sad thoughts

It’s so hard to understand that I don’t have to be liked by everyone.. I’ve definitely said that to friends when they were feeling down about drama/frenemies but when it’s myself it’s just hits different.. 

I hate the thought of someone not liking me. Especially when I have no idea why- when I can’t think of an incident that led to it.. that just makes me feel like I, as a person, am not good enough for them.

I know I’ll never be everyone’s cup of tea- and that’s fine.. there are people I don’t jive well with either but I try to always be kind/respectful.

It blows me away when others can’t even be bothered to do that little.

I’m not asking you to be my best friend.

I’m not asking you to start up a conversation.

I’m not asking to hang out.

I’m not asking to invite me to things.

I’m asking that when I say good morning you could muster up a “morning”

Or when I smile at you- grin back instead of glaring.

I’m asking that you say “you too” when I tell you to have a good day/weekend.. 

just little things.

Human-like things.

Why..why does it have to be so petty and shallow?

Why does my very existence make you angry?

Why do you have to seek to be louder than me, better than me, right all the time, turn others against me… why?

Does bringing me down lift you up?

Does it make you feel like you’ve won- knowing you have broken my spirit and taken a safe space from me? 

I hate the hostility.

I hate the tension. 

I hate knowing that every time I walk through those doors I will be met with hatred. 

I don’t want to be so detestable to you. 

I don’t want enemies.

My heart can’t take this- but yours is fine because it’s cold and hardened..