Depression

It’s been creeping in, slowly.

Creeping up, viciously

And I’m a victim.

I haven’t tried to fight it,

I haven’t tried to crawl out.

I’m just laying here letting it overtake me like a wave.

It started with feelings of being overwhelmed and soon created a vicious cycle.. when you feel overwhelmed you can either:

*do more, this making you more overwhelmed

*give up, this making you more behind and feel even more overwhelmed. 

I’ve done a little of both and I’m not proud of it.

I officially feel like a waste of space on earth.

I feel lost

I feel sad

I feel lonely

I feel hurt

I feel failure

I could go on

I feel too much.. when will I become numb?

Not that numb is progress.. I’m sure that would only mean I’m even worse off.. but numb sounds nice right now.

I’m so not myself.

The thought of being around people is too much.

The thought of small talk, faking a smile, touching.. it literally gives me hives right now.

I just want to be alone 

I just want to be forgotten

I want to disappear from earth-without jt hurting anyone else.

But that’s not possible.

So I’ll carry on, exhausted and depressed.. and hope with what little hope I have left, for better. For More.