Get Out

I have been in an abusive relationship. Physically, emotionally and verbally. My life has been hell. I have lived in constant fear, lying to everyone around me, hiding, covering up, making excuses  and worst of all depression. 

I completely forgot who I was and could only see myself as someone with no self-esteem whatsoever. 

You see, That’s what abuse does to you.. it tells you “this is all your fault” “you deserve this” “no one else would want you” “you can’t do any better” “you might as well stay” “it’s not that bad.. quit being a baby”

Having gone through this I really believe that I can spot others who are in the same situation. I can’t really explain how I just can.. a chill comes over me and i instantly relate to them.. it makes my heart physically hurt. 

Domestic abuse means you are forced to lie to everyone including yourself about your home life. Many are surprised to find their “normal” friend has been living through it for years.. or on the flip side, finding out your “normal” friend was the abuser. 

Don’t ever think you know someone- I can promise you don’t. A LOT goes on behind closed doors. 

Domestic abuse is a very real problem that very few people want to talk about. And I get it.. it’s ugly, it’s scary, it’s hard and for some it’s never ending. You may find yourself free from the problem but you will be haunted with nightmares, trust issues, future relationship problems, always looking out for yourself (even if you find yourself in a healthy relationship later on) and of course self-esteem issues. 

I don’t care if it’s ugly or hard to talk about I feel like God has given me this new life so that I can help others who are still stuck. I remember vividly what my reality was and I don’t wish that upon anyone. 

However, You have to be really careful when you’re talking to someone about abuse.. it takes a LONG time to be ready to get out. Many people give up on their friends/coworkers/family members because they don’t understand why it takes so long.. that’s something you can’t really get unless you’ve been there yourself.. as crazy as it sounds, the victim becomes co-dependent on their abuser. The need to please/fix them is overwhelming and they often feel if they walk away they have failed. There is also Stockholm’s syndrome which explains how someone can love their abuser. 

 it takes a LOT of courage, a LOT of tears and a LOT of praying to get out. Every survivor has their “rock-bottom” story.. the day they decided they WOULDN’T stay another minute. 

You see, The abuse makes you strong and you think you can keep getting stronger. you may even think you can handle more. while you may be able too- no one should have too. And don’t wait around thinking things will change overnight.. that’s literally impossible! Get. Out. 

Many people don’t know my past- that’s not because I’m ashamed, not because I pretend it didn’t happen and it’s not because I don’t still struggle with it sometimes.. it’s because I don’t want to make things about me. Sure, I have a story but so do thousands of other people and I wish everyday for their happy ending. 

Domestic abuse does NOT have to be your life. If you need help there are so many resources out there. I promise you- the road will be hard (not that your current situation isn’t) but it will be SO worth it. You will find yourself living without lying, making excuses, hiding, regretting, missing out, hurting, feeling guilty..etc and at first it will feel strange but then you will accept that it’s your new normal! Because girl, being hurt is NOT normal!