Thursday, June 18, 2015

A peek inside: the major move

If you've followed me very closely lately you've heard me speak of financial stress.
 I was at a place in my job that I was losing more than I was making. I loved my job but couldn't sacrifice providing for my family. 

So, after a few long talks with Dylan and some math we decided the best thing for our family at the moment was for him to work as much as he could at his current job and pick up some other things on the side as needed.
 This takes a lot of stress off the car and our gas fund (with us both using the car for work it's 100 miles a day and about $90.00/week in gas..) Not counting the insurance, loan payment, oil, tires and everything else it takes to keep the car going! 
My paychecks over the course of a month weren't even covering what's listed above and we have bills other than those. 

I'm still warming up to the idea of staying home. My type A personality tells me "if you're not working, you're a lazy bum. You aren't contributing"
While this isn't true and my husband doesn't tell me these things it's something I'm working through. 

I have to remind myself that me not working at that job is what's better for us right now. It's saving us money (not having to pay a babysitter, borrow a car on the days Dylan can't ride his bike or has to go in early, extra gas..) it's allowing Dylan to work more which he wants to do, it takes some stress off me trying to find a full-time job while pregnant (many employers done like to hear "by the way, I have to leave soon for maternity leave" 

and it helps me to be a better mom. This, is my new priority. 
Up to this point in our relationship I have ALWAYS been the bread-winner in the family. Even if I made less per hour I have worked more hours by having a full time job or two jobs. I felt accomplished because I was making money for my family.. What I didn't realize until it was too late were the sacrifices I made to do that. Sure, I missed some fun stuff but that's not what I mean. I've missed my baby!
Phoenix is almost 9 months and apart from maternity leave (I took 3 weeks after she was born) I can count on one hand the amount of days I have stayed home with phoenix by myself. It's sad really.. 

She prefers her daddy, said his name as her first word and takes after him very much so. As much as it hurts to admit, she may even reach for my mom over me. 
I'm always the "bad guy" the one that tries to keep her clean, gives her medicine, makes her go to bed at a scheduled time every night or doesn't let her play with her food.. 
By the time I got home from work, changed, kissed my husband goodbye until 1 a.m, did a chore (laundry, dishes, vacuum, scrub the shower or dust..etc) it was time to give her a bath and put her to bed. 

I'm not far in at all but I can tell it will be a journey. One that I will learn from, grow from and carry on to our baby #2.. 
I will return to the workforce after having the baby (unless someone would take me before then) and of course if it would be profitable for my family. I'm proud to see my husband work hard to pay the bills but I'm not so ignorant to think that it's 100% practical at our age, given our "skillset" this is a temporary "fix" that we will make work.. I'm not giving up my dreams of going to school and having a career. It's just once again on hold. 

God has a plan. 
There is always a way. 

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