Tuesday, December 28, 2010

New Year.. Random thoughts

I'm still finding it had to believe that it's almost a new year.. I keep telling myself that I MUST be getting older if I'm finding myself saying that 'This year has gone by fast', or 'That seems like just yesterday'.. Hah..
Anyway. Last year I decided to make a list of BIG things that happened in the year of 2010, so that I could look back, and remember all the things that had happened. (I like making lists, and it's alot more comforting and a lot less stressful, than trying to remember it all by myself..) well, I have a pretty long list. Some things on it, would look silly to others, because my idea of 'Big Things' is a tad bit different from others.. I'm still trying to decide If I'm going to post a list of the 'Big Things', but I am sure of one thing I can tell you..
2010 has been a Roller-coaster of a year. I guess to some extent everyone's year can be a roller-coaster, but right off the top of my head, this is the hardest year I can remember (I know, that isn't saying much, I'm only 16) but this year Lots has happened, and a lot of it, though I'm sure some might have been a blessing in disguise, was VERY hard for me to handle, actually I don't think I could truthfully say that it's all past tense, I'm still struggling with a lot of what has happened. I keep hoping that with a new year, things will change, but the more I think about it, and the more I allow myself to be honest with myself, the more I realize that turning the calendar, or welcoming a new year isn't going to change much, except for our earth being a year older or me breaking the record of how long I've lived- and whatever else you can think of.. But when it really comes down to it, it doesn't matter if it's a new hour, week, month, year. The change only happens when I choose to welcome it. New year or not.
Many of us make 'New year resolutions' but if we're honest with ourselves, we probably neglected them by February. No matter how small the resolution like: Losing weight, quit biting nails, holding our tongue, whatever it may be.. very few of us are able to say that we actually went through with it. Most of the time it really doesn't even mean that we're flaky or unfaithful people. we just allow ourselves to get distracted, or we shift our focus. I really can't say that I'm any better. Not because I forget about my new years resolutions..But because I don't like being disappointed in myself, (or anyone else for that matter) and I set my standards HIGH for myself, so because I'm afraid I'll let myself down, I decided LONG ago, not to make new years resolutions at all. I still try to set up goals for myself, and make good personal habits. But rather than setting them up for a whole year..(I'm easily stressed) I chose to make MONTHLY goals, I'm sure we can all think of 12 things we'd like to change about ourselves, our lives or whatever else, but instead of doing that, I alot myself 2 months to complete each goal.. I've heard it said that it takes 6 weeks to develop a new habit, set up a new routine, or whatever else. But it's good to be on the safe side and give yourself more time. For example, I've been stuck on ONE personal goal for myself, sense June! I'm waaaaay behind. But really when you think about it (and I can't believe I'm saying this) we don't necessarily need to put our focus on how LONG or how LITTLE time it's taken us to do something, rather doing it. Because it actually takes more loyalty to stick with something and get it done, over a long period of time, than it does to finish it in no time, and be done with it!.. Besides, it will mean more to us, when we've stuck with something longer and completed it, than if we rushed through it to get it done with.. being able to say that we finished an assignment is one thing, being able to say that we REALLY got it done no matter how long it took, is another. It's better to have taken a whole year doing one thing, than to be so concerned with how long it took you, and just make it appear that you got it done, to make yourself feel better. Ugh, I'm rambling again...sorry! (Most of this is me trying to convince myself) I don't even really know where I'm going with this. So I'll just say one last thing and get this done with! (Stop dancing for joy.. you don't HAVE to read this!)
No matter how many things we can think of about ourselves that have room for improvement, or how many things about our lives we'd like to change, the MOST important thing that we need to be sure to do.. is set up a quiet time with Jesus.. EVERY morning, afternoon, evening... I mean, if you want to tackle other things, be my guest. But everything is easier to handle when you have a good foundation. And your foundation will always be sounder, when you use the right stuff to build it. I build my foundation with Jesus Christ. Because he's the ONLY thing that is impossible to shake, move, break or damage. He's the ONLY reason that I've made it through this year..he's the only thing that has armed me with what was essential to deal with everything this year has thrown at me. Make being more like him your personal goal every month.. every hour, every day! every week. This year alone I have filled a WHOLE notebook with letters to God. Every time that I was feeling weak and totally helpless, like I should have been finished with everything that I wanted to be done with.. every time I realized that I COULDN'T be done with any of those things on my own. I'd write him a letter, I'd go out to my car, late at night, wit my froggy flashlight.. a blanket, and write him, tell him everything.. all my thoughts, fears, failures..everything! and I can't even tell you how much it's helped..having him to pour my soul out to, him to cry to.. I also couldn't tell you how many times I cried myself to sleep, holding that notebook and pencil, in my cold car, at the wee hours of the night. Because when I talk to him and tell him everything, and give it all to him, I feel a peace sweep over me, that even my insomnia couldn't beat..Every-time I feel hopeless and lost and I find myself willing to let go of my pride for long enough to write him a letter.. I fall asleep in his loving arms.. and the peace, love and comfort I feel in that moment, Means so much MORE to me, than any sense of accomplishment I could ever feel from completing a goal, or making resolutions I'd never be able to keep on my own. So as we approach this new year, I pray that your new years resolutions, your personal goals, will find room, at the top of the list for Jesus and a quiet time with him. Because it makes a WORLD of difference, it makes whatever you're faced with, a thousand times easier. I'm not a great person on my own, I can't do anything by myself.. I don't have it all-together, no matter how many times I try to tell myself I do. But when I have Jesus, none of that matters, because he doesn't expect me to be 'Little Miss perfect', that's not to say that I don't try to be (as you all know, especially if you're in Sunday School with me, or A.W.A.N.A) but it does mean that when I fail miserably, I have someone to fall into. Someone who knew all along that this would happen, and He was ready to catch me.. So Happy New year! Make Jesus one of your resolutions.. Make time for him. Then no matter what this next year brings. You'll have something to hold on to.
don't be afraid to humble yourself before him. Don't be afraid to get on your knees and pray. Or cry out to him. He loves you, and he'll accept your ashes and dirt.. from all your failed attempts at earning the world's approval, and he'll turn them into Riches.. a small reflection of his kingdom and all the glory there in..

1 comment:

  1. I think you posted it at the perfect time :) you remind me a lot of myself with the whole bit about your journal! I do the same thing! And it's sad that I'm mostly writing during my times of turmoil instead of writing to tell him how wonderful he is! I'll pray that your resolutions see through this year! Good luck!