My Testimony, and Baptism.

 Moms carry the mental load.....

It's just a fact. I know that is 100% my burden and its exhausting. Nobody else remembers when ___'s dentist appointment is. Or what day the class party for ____ is. Just me.

I am constantly battling whether I should ask for more help, or just do it myself.

It's almost as frustrating having to ask, explain, remind, check in.. just to see if tasks are being done. And more importantly, are they being done correctly?

I hate it when I hear "if you would have asked" or, "well, I didn't know" "I don't keep up with that stuff" and the list of expressions go on and on..

It is up to a mom to remember everyone's orders, everyone's playdates, class parties, sports practices, communication with teachers. The housework typically falls on the mom. Meal planning, grocery shopping, dishes, buying clothes and gifts. Figuring out what the plans for the weekend are, making the vet appointments, dr appointments, dentist appointment, going by the pharmacy, planning the vacations. Most women handle the budget and even find themselves taking their cars for oil changes or scheduling repairs.

It's just too much. Maybe it wasn't as bad in the traditional times where women stayed home- I don't know because that has never been my experience. Part of me wishes we hadn't fought so hard to get in the workforce.. because now we have two full time jobs; home and work.

At least at work, we are given performance reviews, a paycheck and maybe even a raise. Most jobs come with paid time off or sick days.

We don't have these luxuries as mothers. In fact, when something is forgotten, when you are running late, or when someone's favorite jammies haven't made it through the wash, we all know who is getting blamed. But why couldn't dad put them in the wash? and why is mom being blamed when there are two parents? these are questions I ask myself ALL the time.

I want to scream sometimes when I think of all the things on my mental list. I really want to scream when I realize nobody is going to help with any of it. And I want to throw something when I realize, nothing I do is really appreciated- and is only noticed when it ISN'T done and I get griped at.

Would anything change if I just stopped one day? what if I just didn't go get the groceries or do the dishes or the laundry? would someone step up? maybe I'll get brave enough to find out.

I think the more practical solution is to "train" my family.. and maybe it would pay off in the long run-  but the start up is almost too exhausting. All the grumbling and what I'm sure will be sub-par work.

My daughter often talks about when she is "grown up" and "gets to make the decisions".. should I tell her how awful it is? should I discourage her excitement?

I too remember those days of thinking it would make me feel empowered. When in reality, it just makes me feel extremely bogged down.