Be still

Be still

This is he HARDEST thing I've ever been commanded to do by my Heavenly Father. Every day it seems I struggle to let go and let God most recently my battle has been patience on finding a house. 

Dylan and I have been married for going on three years now and already have a family so I my mind it only makes sense to have a place to cal home. We have been looking for houses and meeting with financial advisors for months now (which in the grand scheme of things really isn't long) but to me it seems like forever. It's so hard to not get worked up about houses. Every time we find one we like I want to sign the papers and start packing.

 However, my father reminds me to "be still" which I hate to hear.. But need too. 

One day after our favorite house to that point had been sold I was complaining to Dylan. Much to my surprise he didn't join in! Instead, he told me it must not have been in Gods plan. This of course was a huge slap in the face!

I run through things in my mind over and over thing to get every detail right, I function on a few hours of sleep and pinch every penny.. I plan like crazy. I always have It's just who I am.. Lately I e been wondering if that's an excuse? Should I be trying to live a less-coordinated life and let whatever happens happen?

I've always believed that I was the planner and Dylan was the spontaneous one. That's  the balance that makes our world go round. 

After some praying I've come to the conclusion that it's okay to budget.. But not okay to obsess over money. It's okay to clean.. But not okay to get upset when someone "messes it up" that's part of having children and living. It's okay to plan events but not to the point of stressing.. So on, so forth. 

We will find a house someday. I'm not giving up on it but I'm not going to check real estate sites every night before bed. We are still young and will still be young when we finish paying on a 30-year mortgage. We may not have a place to call our own.. But we have a home because home is where your heart is.