I was once a social butterfly.. So creative, loved to write. I was always painting, taking pictures, singing and playing jingles.. Now I can't remember the last time I wrote, danced, sang a special or played.. Who am I? I feel estranged. I thought I was finding myself. Instead, I've never felt so lost. My whole life is working, paying bills, chasing a munchkin and remembering to take my pills.
Don't get me wrong, I love her dearly.. I don't love myself and the person I've been lately. I have no passion, hobbies or alone time. I can't shake the worry, I'm always behind.
Was I meant to marry at only 19? Trade my dreams of being a student for a life so prudent? I see my friends who are off having fun.. Sometimes it's hard not to wish I was there too.
I could have been graduated by now, career and financially set. Should I have done that before I had my kids?
Who else at my age is creating meal plans, staying up late to do chores and always making plans? None that I see.. I feel like it's just me. I know this is what I asked for but sometimes I wish to just be free. A day to sleep in, eat out, have fun.
I want back the me that I once was.. So creative, so fun. I don't like how stagnant I've become.
I want to be romanced, wearing clothes that fit.. Feeling beautiful and young again. I don't want to be seen by him as the tires mom.. I don't like always wondering what's wrong. If this is the life we've made I pray we will at least learn to get along.
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