Only as Expected.

Last week, at my counseling session- frustrated with my counselor's lack of feedback.. I asked him for homework. At the end of my hour, he told me that my assignment (homework) for the week was this :
"Do only as expected of you, and nothing more"
I guess it's becuase I have a tendency to get bogged down, and adopt concerns and burdens that aren't necessarily my own. Maybe it's part of being the oldest? I don't know. Whatever the case, at first I was a tad bit disappointed. And I didn't really consider that an assignment. I guess it showed in my expression. Because he then said "Just give it a try, okay?" so.. I wrote that down in my journal "Do only as expected of you.. and nothing more" and kinda pushed it to the back of my mind. I walked out the door and got into the car. I looked to my left to see a smiling Melissa. I buckled up, and we began to drive away. On the way back to Melissa's home in Clarksville we talked about the session. I shared with her my frustration about the assignment- and she kinda laughed "Just give it a try, sweetie. You'll be surprised. It's actually a pretty big assignment" I began to think to myself. Am I the ONLY one who doesn't get this assignment..?
we talked together about many other things on our way back to Clarksville. But that didn't leave my thoughts. I decided if everyone but me saw the point in this assignment. I'd just have to give it a try- my competitive spirit told me so.

the week is almost over, and let me tell you- I've failed miserably at this assignment. It is indeed a lot bigger than I thought it was. The few times that I have succeeded to do this, it's felt strange and new, but kinda- Um. Well, as much as I hate to say it. It was kind of relaxing and a lot less stressful than my current lifestyle. I would be in the middle of something and think to myself
"What is there left to do?"
"Um... well, I could give you a long list to do, but according to your counselor. You've done everything on this list that has YOUR name on it. So you get to relax for awhile"
"Oh, really?.. you sure"
"Uh. Yep.."

I also hate to say that this assignment might just have to last more than one week. Because though I've had several opportunities since the 17th. I've failed. And I'd like to try it again. Maybe it's the over-achiever in me. Or that "Don't quit" attitude I have, or maybe once again that competitive thing in me. Whatever it is. I'm not quitting- not yet!
this assignment, though kind of vague, and not what I had in mind. Is a pretty big thing to overcome. It is something worth working on. Something that if I achieve, I could be a lot less stressed and a lot more pleasant. And wait for it! -- Pleased! (I'm hardly ever pleased with myself. Because though I do as expected of me by others- I always have a long list of things that I myself expect from me.. And there aren't enough hours in the day!)
so here I go- doing only as expected of me. And nothing more.